Reply to Husband -father of 4- sleeps in every single day

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[quote=Anonymous]There are a lot of issues here, but I think resentment is a key issue. As you said in your original post, maybe you would rather be alone than continue the way things are. I remember feeling that way once, and thankfully expressing that to my husband led to real and sustained change. But we cannot force someone else to change; we can only say what we will and won't accept.

I think the key to a long relationship is giving a lot of the benefit of the doubt, trying to stop vicious cycles and start virtuous cycles, and treating your partner how you want to be treated (unless you are purposely ignoring how they want to be treated in ways different than how you like). Sometimes, this is really, really hard. But if your partner is generally a good person who wants to a happy home life, and they have access to tools for dealing with stress and conflict, then you can usually make it work.

But all of this only works with two healthy(ish) people. It's hard for us outsiders to know how far down the alcoholic/lazy/selfish/checked out slope your husband is. Maybe he's just struggling with the pandemic and supporting a spouse and young kids and self-medicating too much for depression and anxiety. Or maybe he's just completely without the resources to do "adulting." IMO the only way to find out is to assume he's just floundering a little and see how approaching him with grace and concern goes. If you are vulnerable and share your struggles with him while making it clear that you empathize with him, will he respond with empathy and a willingness to find solutions? If so, then maybe you have something to work with. If not, then time for boundaries and next steps.[/quote]

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