Reply to MIL will not accept adopted child

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "MIL will not accept adopted child "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I have not read all of these responses yet, but let me give you my thoughts as a 50 year old adoptee. 
1. My maternal grandmother was always nice enough to me, but the older I got the more I understood and heard references to the fact that I was adopted. She even said it in front of my college friends, saying that I was her granddaughter, but adopted. I realized that I was never quite her “real” granddaughter and a few things kind of added up.

Just today I had lunch with an older women who knows I am adopted, and anytime I mention my mom she asks, “your adopted mom? I have to reiterate that my adopted mom is my real mom. Always the same.

Both ladies were older generations, Hispanic. Adopted and bio children are the same to them, but not.

If you have a relative that will always qualify whether your child is a “real” or “adopted” grandkid, be prepared to face it head on. You do it by acknowledging the fault of the relative. But more importantly, you raise that kid with so much damn love that he or she never doubts their standing in your heart, and that they were chosen and wanted (and for some, desperately wanted). You must preempt the abandonment issues that come with kids not raised in that environment. [/quote]

I agree. We have a bio and adopted child.

My adopted child received many hurtful comments at school about not having real parents etc. I told the private school and asked to go in and talk to the kids to educate them about adoption. The school allowed me and I spent an entire period in a ES class talking about [b]real parents are the ones who really love you, who really do all the work to feed, clothe, shelter and educate their children. Biological parents may or may not be real parents. [/b]Also that adoptive children are born in their parents hearts in very real ways. We read stories such as “Coco finds a mother” illustrating adoption in kid friendly stories. It helped a lot and dd never received those comments at school after that.

Our families have been very accepting and loving towards adopted child and I would be extremely upset if MIL said anything like OP’s MIL did.

OP, I do agree with pps that parents’ ability to love, care and validate adopted children is the most important factor at play in successful adoption. However, it does help to have moral support and validation from extended family.

I would suggest DH try educating his parents and family about the value and beauty of building families through adoption. There are great pre and post adoption services in DMV such as CASE. However, I would also let her know that you expect any biological and adoptive children to be treated equally. [/quote]

Your school should be ashamed for letting YOU be the self-proclaimed expert on adoption and parents. How dare you?

Most adoptions now are open which means children very well may know, and have relationships with, their birth families. Imagine if there was a child in that class who had a close relationship with birth parents/family and said to them, "I don't think you REALLY love me. Because at school a person came in and taught us that my adopted parents are the ones who REALLY love me because they feed me and take care of me every day - you don't."[/quote]

How dare you make this an [b]ugly thing[/b]? It was actually the principal who first suggested it and it was very well recieved by kids, the two teachers and other parents. It was small private school and there was bullying going on. They believe strongly in home school partnerships and so do we.

It worked for us and for our kids and for our small school class.

Really You Can FFY.[/quote]

Because it is ugly. You don't have the right to come into a school and teach anyone else's child about a sensitive topic like adoption. And the quickly tossed off "FFY" further shows your level of judgment is off and you shouldn't be in front of any school children. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics