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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I have not read all of these responses yet, but let me give you my thoughts as a 50 year old adoptee. 
1. My maternal grandmother was always nice enough to me, but the older I got the more I understood and heard references to the fact that I was adopted. She even said it in front of my college friends, saying that I was her granddaughter, but adopted. I realized that I was never quite her “real” granddaughter and a few things kind of added up.

Just today I had lunch with an older women who knows I am adopted, and anytime I mention my mom she asks, “your adopted mom? I have to reiterate that my adopted mom is my real mom. Always the same.

Both ladies were older generations, Hispanic. Adopted and bio children are the same to them, but not.

If you have a relative that will always qualify whether your child is a “real” or “adopted” grandkid, be prepared to face it head on. You do it by acknowledging the fault of the relative. But more importantly, you raise that kid with so much damn love that he or she never doubts their standing in your heart, and that they were chosen and wanted (and for some, desperately wanted). You must preempt the abandonment issues that come with kids not raised in that environment. [/quote]

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