Reply to Vent: “gift” of a trip that I don’t want and requires me to spend lots of money and time

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Reply to "Vent: “gift” of a trip that I don’t want and requires me to spend lots of money and time"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm guessing it's more about the way the ILs are approaching it. If they had said "We are retiring and it would mean the world to us if you guys could join us on a special vacation this summer to celebrate. We can afford to pay for food and the house, but we have to ask you guys to pay for your airfare and car. We appreciate you taking the time off work and doing this as your vacation this year!"

Instead, it sounds like they told everyone about the "gift" as though they are being generous and selfless, and have totally glossed over the financial and personal expenses that come with it. It's annoying and self centered. My MIL was like that. We just got better about saying no.[/quote]

Yep. This.

My mom wanted a family trip for her 70th and it was a big deal road trip caravan. Visit her dad’s grave in one state and sprinkle her mom’s ashes in another state. She paid for a good part of it, which was a stretch for her. But the difference is she asked us to do it. She recognized it was, not an imposition exactly, but doing the trip she wanted instead of what my brothers family and mine would have chosen. The presentation made all the difference. If she’d acted entitled to it or like she was giving us a gift it would not have been well received by anyone (least of all my sister in law).

Turns out it was a great trip. Some hiccups and frustrations obviously but we got to see the places where my grandparents grew up, meet some extended family, and see where they lived when they first married (a light house on Long Island that I’d heard about my whole life). Nothing I’d ever choose to do again. And I know I won’t be asked to![/quote]

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