Reply to Red Flags- Children’s SO

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What if SO is fine but comes from a family filled with drugs,debt, drama or other problems. Family problems are bound to engulf or at least effect SO and by association your child.[/quote]

Would you care to elaborate, in a more mature and nuanced way, what you mean by “drama”? Are you a “Real Housewife of Potomac”?[/quote]

It sounds very clear unless reader is trying to be obtuse because it’s hitting a nerve. [/quote]

Would you consider student debt to be "drama"?
Would you consider anxiety or depression to be "drama"?
How about severe allergies or chronic illness?
How about being a different religion?
Keeping kosher or other religious practices that might be "dramatic" for hosting/visiting/holidays?
Being from another country and having parents living overseas--is that "drama"?
Being a recovering alcoholic or drug addict--someone who has been clean for a decade--is that "drama"?
Having a parent who has a tough illness or mental illness?

Is anything "drama" that makes life a little messy, a little uncomfortable, a little complex at times? Just wondering.[/quote]

NP - but yes, all those things are “drama” because they are different from the family my kids are being raised in. [b]We are a suuuuper boring family[/b] - parents and grandparents all married, financially comfortable but not wealthy, my kids aunts and uncles all have stable marriages and employment, no addiction or medical issues. None of the things on your list are dealbreakers, but [b]I would want my child to consider how they may impact their life long term if they marry into a family where those items are present. [/b]I think it’s kinder to know one’s own limits and not purposely choose a challenging or difficult life than to marry someone and later divorce because it’s too much. Of course people discover issues or have terrible things happen after marriage and work through them. It’s the difference between having your basement flood in a dream storm a year after you bought the house and purposefully purchasing a house at full price even when the home inspection identified major issues. If you know the issues and still want the house, that’s fine. But it’s also ok to walk away if the issues are too much for you emotionally or financially. [/quote]

You hit the nail on the head.  Your child would be super attractive to someone coming from a "drama" family BECAUSE your family is so stable.  People from dysfunctional and unstable families are frequently super drawn to people who come from functional and stable families like moths to a flame.  The problem is that the people from the functional and stable families don't have the skills to deal with the dysfunction and instability of the other person and their family.  It is a very real issue.[/quote]

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