Reply to Should I excuse DH from nighttime duties?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband and I split night time while he was on leave. Once he returned, I did nights and he took the baby in the morning so I could get some rest. When I went back to work at 12 weeks, we had a night nurse. DC was consistently sleeping through the night by 3.5/4 months.

My DH is crap on no sleep and has an intense job (he works in finance). This worked  for us, but bet your ass I didn’t tell anyone - [b]I knew the judgment would be intense and swift. [/quote][/b]

And rightly so![/quote]

Before this thread, the idea that people would judge and criticize someone for a decision as personal and variable as how to handle night wakings without an infant would have sounded silly to me. “Oh come on, I know women can be hard on each other, especially about motherhood, but that’s really snd truly no one else’s business. Whatever works! I’m sure most women agree with that.”

I apologize. Women can be such total effing d!ces to each other. Do we even need men to oppress us? Seems like we’re doing a great job making life, and especially motherhood, just completely miserable and untenable all on our own. Jfc.[/quote]

PP and this is pretty much how I feel. My fear isn’t my husband being a true partner in raising our child - it’s the constant judgment from other women about what they think makes sense for other people. I think that’s why this thread hits a nerve. Check out SM or a mommy’s group, and you’ll hear women praising their husbands for being equal partners. Check out this board and you hear an opposite story. Women are basically encouraged to tell falsehoods to avoid judgment/escape the black and white thinking from other women.

[b]And I’ve found that the women who are most adamant about a perfectly equal split all the time tend to be far and away the primary career/income in the family. So are you really that progressive? You’re still allocating household work based on career demands which seems to be what everyone else is doing too.[/b] [/quote]

LOL whut?  If a woman is the primary earner and the parents split everything 50/50, that's the same as if a man is the primary earner and the woman does 80/20?  Tell me you've internalized some real bs about gender and parenting without telling me you've internalized some real bs about gender and parenting.[/quote]

+1 to the above

Also my husband makes more than me and still does 50/50 so am I “progressive” because the gender wage gap applies to our household?! I don’t get it.[/quote]

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