Reply to Should I excuse DH from nighttime duties?

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[quote=Anonymous]Yes, for us, generally, once my husband went back to work, I handled the night duty on my own. But a few factors:

1) My husband and I both take 12 weeks parental leave, we do two weeks together at the beginning, then I do 10 alone, then he does 10 alone. So, whoever is on leave takes on all/most of the nighttime duty, but there's no risk of falling into me being the primary parent because 10 weeks later, he has to do it too. 
2) My kids never did any of that crazy "nursing every 45 minutes all night" stuff you hear about sometimes. The most they ever did at night after the first two weeks was three feedings, always a solid 2.5-3 hours apart, so I could at least get an hour or two of sleep between each feeding. If you've got a baby who is routinely up all night, that's a different story, he's going to need to pitch in or you'll lose your mind. 
3) I am an excellent napper, so I was always able to sleep when the baby slept during the day.
4) We sleep train and night wean (with a dreamfeed) early, at 4-5 months. Between that and our staggered leaves, that means that no one is routinely getting up with a baby in the night and going to work. If you aren't into early sleep training, and some degree of night duty + work will be inevitable for one or both of you, best to set that up as "both" right from jump. Though in splitting up the night, the fact that you can nap and he has to work should factor in (ie, I don't think the night should be split evenly if you're home during the day).

But, most importantly:

5) When I ended up diagnosed with PPD towards the end of my second maternity leave, he started chipping in on the overnights - I was nursing and down to only one feeding (plus a dreamfeed), so there was some limit to how much I could pump and have ready, but he was doing 2-3 nights a week of overnights because I needed sleep for my (quickly eroding) sanity. If you are having any mental health issues, that completely changes the math.

At the end of the day, it's about figuring out what balance works for your family, your baby and your particular needs and situation, but a strong eye on fairness at this stage will help you out moving forward. [/quote]

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