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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom married my dad, who had two prior children. They hate her. Hate for no reason whatsoever - my dad was a widower when he met my mom, so it's not like she broke his first marriage. She's 80 years old now, they are in their 50s and still hate her, although she tried her hardest. One of them came over the other day and told me that my dad married down and she was never as beautiful as their mom; never mind that my parents have been married for 45 years now. Don't do it unless the kids are out of college. 
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They sound strange and bitter. The kids.[/quote]

It's not strange and bitter.  Kids have emotions about the death of their mother, replacement with a step mother.  While that is not SM's fault, those emotions fall somewhere, often on the shoulders of the step parent.  Have you ever been mad about a situation that's no one's fault?  That anger has to go somewhere, and it's easier to find blame or fault with the person who has replaced your parent (even in cases of divorce).  With affairs its even easier to assign blame for anger, regret, sadness to the step parent.  Even if they are a really loving step parent.

It's not strange, its a way to cope with very real feelings. [/quote]

This is true; I'm the OP and their mom died accidentally, so it was a shock and they took it on my mom. I think they were around 5 and 3 when she died. The 3 year old kind of got over it after a while but the older one, who was 5 years old and remembers his mom, is still not well emotionally, after 50 years. However, my poor mom did NOT deserve this. When they visit, she makes sure she cooks their favorite foods, has the wife's favorite wine ready, and she's always so nice. Yet they talk trash behind her back all the time. [/quote]

Grieving children don't care what adults think they "deserve".  Your mom chose to marry into and have another kid in a family dealing with serious grief.  Cooking favorite foods isn't going to be enough for that.  Adequate parenting would involve therapy and not making your poor children share their father's time and watch another kid have their mom alive right in their own home.  That sounds like agony for them.  And it sounds like your parents didn't do the right thing to care for grieving children.  So stop telling everyone how perfect your mom is.  [/quote]

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