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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It was very kind of them all to come to the service. Not all inlaws are that  considerate.

Ask your husband to store his photo away in a closet. a
And try to forget about it. If it were me, I would only say something to the inlaws if they asked why you aren't displaying the photo. I'd start with explaining that the photo only reminds you of your mother's death. If they push back or act defensive, "Well Jane, what did you expect? I associate that day with mourning, not a happy family photo op." [/quote]

Just because it was a funeral doesn't mean that people cannot be happy about other things.  There should be laughter and smiles just as there will be tears and sadness.  It is all part of life and death.[/quote]

There’s one like you (above) in every crowd. Wait until you lose someone close to you. [/quote]

Sweetie, I am 10:46, the woman who has buried a husband and two children.  If you cannot understand that life goes on and that you will need to be able to smile again one day then you might as well crawl into the grave with your dead.

I imagine the only reason why OP knew the picture was taken during the funeral reception was because she recognized the clothing that the people were wearing or perhaps she recognized the background like someone else pointed out.  Either way, it isn't like this family planted themselves on the grave of OP's mom, started dancing and took a picture.  It sounds like they saw they were all together and they took a family photo.

I think that OP's reaction is over the top.  OP needs to change her grief therapy strategy (she acknowledges on page 2 that she is "in" grief therapy) because whatever she is doing isn't working well for her.  I know many of you mean well but validating blindly as you are doesn't help OP address her grief in a positive and productive way.[/quote]

NP. And another person with a good resume in the grief department, although who really wants to be able to say that about themselves?

Yes funerals should be celebrations as well as mournings, and there can be happy and joyous moments at them. But the problem here is that OP's SIL is centering her immediate family in OP's grief. OP isn't complaining that her husband and SIL and MIL had a bonding moment at the funeral. She is upset because they are taking a still of probably the worst day of her life in recent memory and reframing it as a time they were all together. It is EXCEPTIONALLY insensitive. And I do not think it would be insensitive if the SIL had framed and hung the photo in her own home, or if a friend or other funeral attendee took the photo there and ended up posting it on social media or something. But this is being given to OP and her husband to hang in her home. For OP, any photos she puts up of that day would center her mother, as that is what that day was for her (which is how it should be). That doesn't mean every photo she appreciates from that day is sad, but in this case, the funeral of her mother, her loved ones should be thinking about her reaction, not how they can use the day. [/quote]

I think this is really it, they made OP’s funeral about themselves. My MIL side of the family is big on showing up at things but are the most insensitive group of people you have ever met and it would be far better for them to NOT come to a funeral than be drinking and laughing and guessing how much things cost. So showing up is not always a good thing.

All that said I would probably have quietly walked out of the room rather than sat and listened to them talk about my mother’s funeral like a photo op but can also see being sort of shell shocked. I would be upset my husband could not see my point of view but it’s probably not worth a big fight now [/quote]

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