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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op it seems to me that everything will be a no unless everyone does as exactly as you say.

It seems that the big issue is that the sibling wants the cousins to wake up together and you don't want them to because of the reasons you have given and you aren't going to bend on this issue.

You are going to have to tell everyone else how it will be and then let what happens,  happens.  Others have given numerous suggestions such as wear ear plugs, your husband can retire when he is tired and none of this is good enough.

So your only option left is to let everyone know how Christmas will be moving forward, all while you live in someone else's house.  I get that its tough but you won't answer questions on what the grandparents think.  I guess sibling will be disappointed but if you aren't willing to bend you need to just let everyone know.  Tell the sibling it isn't happening this year and tell the in-laws they will just have to deal with it.

If this situation is going to continue this living arrangement may not work long term.  You still haven't said what the grandparents want to do, it is their house, what do they want?[/quote]

OP here,

I have answered multiple times that the grandparents were happy with the original plan, but are sad that their child is upset and have asked us to problem solve, saying they would love to find a solution that makes everyone happy.  When I made suggestions (e.g. we leave so sibling can visit overnight here, or they visit overnight there) they said they’d be fine with those but sibling has said those solutions aren’t better.  My FIL is worried about MIL (high risk) and covid.  [/quote]

Your OP stated the grandparents were hoping for a compromise and whilst you say they said they are happy with this plan, they have told you they don't like seeing their child upset and they are hoping for a compromise to make everyone happy.  What they are hoping for is for you to chill out and change your mind, but you can't see it.

You say your husband gets so fatigued but somehow he will be better going to a siblings house and being stuck there for a feast rather than in his own home where he can retreat and lie down.  Why will it be better for your husband to move to another house and do gifts and a feast but this can't be done in your inlaws house.  So what if the kids stay over, the covid risk will be the same whether you go to the siblings house or stay at the grandparents house.

It appears you are hell bent on not letting the sibling stay.  Your inlaws sound like they are being polite by telling you they think its a good plan.  If they were really happy they would tell the sibling that's what they want to do but they haven't.  Somewhere deep inside they want the tradition to stay.  So perhaps you and your husband go to a hotel and leave the kids in your bedroom to sleep whilst the cousins sleep in your kids bedrooms.  They can do their traditions and you can meet up later for a feast at the inlaws.

But let me guess, you don't want to be put out, someone else has to be put out.  Your inlaws said they were happy for you to go to a hotel and the sibling just wants the cousins to be together.  At a hotel your husband can sleep in the next morning late and not be disturbed by the noise.  I would say you go to a hotel with your husband and leave the kids to play with the cousins and do the tradition of the cousins sleeping at the inlaws.  Then you can do the feast much like what you would have done at the siblings house but do it at the grandparents house.  Everyone is apparently vaccinated and everyone can do a rapid test before going.[/quote]

I think that being at the other sibling's for Christmas dinner will be a little easier because we can leave, and because if I'm not hosting I can concentrate on DH. There's a guest room we could use if DH gets overwhelmed.    But there is still consensus about going there for the meal.  The sibling who wants to sleep at the house agrees that that house is better for the afternoon gathering.  It's got a much bigger yard.  It's got first floor bathrooms for the elderly.  If moving the meal here was a workable compromise, I'd be open to that, but it isn't the solution.[/quote]

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