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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You all can speculate and analyze all you want but trust me when I say your in laws, especially your MILs, dislike you as much or more than you them.[/quote]

Of course, this is the very reason I have issues with her.  When I got married I didn't have any issue toward her, I rarely thought about her.  She made it quite clear how much she disliked me from the start of our marriage and then the issue becomes that you are stuck with her.  Unlike other people in your life that you can walk away from, your in-laws you can't because of your husband.  They will be in your life to a certain extent and will be around at important times such as holidays or family celebrations.

Think about every family celebration being dampened because your MIL makes rude and unpleasant comments to you about your appearance.  Do you snark back at her and be rude to her on her level or do you act mature and ignore and try to keep the peace for the sake of the family celebration only to simply despise her even more later that you even have to think about this. If you tell her simply that what she said isn't kind, she waits until the following day and goes crying to your husband about what you said and its just drama, is it worth it?  If your husband has heard it all before and ignores her then you have to deal with her passive aggressiveness next time you see her where she ignores you. Can't she control herself, isn't she at her age mature enough to know that putting people down is not nice, is not playing nice and not creating a nice environment.  So it gets too hard and you simply give up, stop caring, stop trying, move away and see her every so often and when she makes those comments you have so little care factor they no longer sting because you simply look at her and see what she is - a complete nut job, who goes through life thinking you can criticise and mock other people and then expect they will like you and do anything nice for you.  OMG its crazy to think treating people poorly will result in anything other than being treated poorly or avoided in return.  However it is then that a MIL cries about poor her, look at her terrible DIL ruining her family.

Its so predictable.[/quote]

100%. My DH's family is very misogynist and they were going to be suspicious/unhappy with pretty much any woman he married. They think they wanted a DIL who was very traditional but truthfully I don't think there are many women my age alive today who would make them happy because, at a base level, they think women are less than (yes, even the women in his family) and that their job is to serve and support the men in their families. They also have this thing where no matter what a man does, we are all supposed to empathize and support him and simply see him as flawed but worthy. So if a man is an alcoholic who cannot keep a job and pisses himself in public and winds up in jail on the regular, and his wife leaves him, she is a terrible shrew who abandoned a sick person in a time of need. They just hate women, basically.

My DH was incredibly smart growing up (like genius level) and wound up getting a full ride scholarship to an Ivy League school, and it changed his life. He also had a close friend in high school whose parents were immigrants and professors and who took him under their wing because he was so bright. Those two things led him to understand that the way his family approaches the world is backwards and that they simply don't understand a lot of things. He is very generous to them in that he really does not judge them -- he sees that they are products of their environment and history and is very empathetic. But he also doesn't want to be like them and is grateful every day that he made it out of that house and that town when he did. He is truly an amazing person.

So yeah, I can't stand my ILs and I know they can't stand me either, but that's a price worth paying to be with my DH who I love and to have the child we have together. But that doesn't mean the way they talk to me or the way they talk about women in general doesn't impact me or drive me crazy. It just means I'm willing to navigate that for his sake. It would obviously be different if he agreed with them or didn't stick up for me, but he knows they are wrong and he always shuts it down when they do this stuff. Honestly, I think it's harder for him to be around them than me but he feels he has a family obligation. I think the only time I was more annoyed by them than he is was around the time our DC was born because they were extra awful to me then, but otherwise they just ignore me or belittle me and I go spend time with DC or alone reading and it's not that bad.[/quote]

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