Reply to Why do so many of us have issues with our ILs?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Forced relationships with people we would never be interested in knowing or hanging out with. Luck of the draw.[/quote]

This is accurate! [/quote]

OP here.  I agree with this.  But I feel like that is only a partial answer.  It is a crapshoot who you end up with as inlaws, but why does it seem that we get "bad" one much more than half the time?  And our spouses were produced by these people, so unless you think who you are and how you parent has nothing to do with how your children turn out, it seems that we *should* get along with these people?

There has to be some underlying resentment or competition or something at play!  Again, speaking in the aggregate, not about individual situations. [/quote]

My MIL was overly concerned about her family traditions/culture being passed on.  She was openly upset if my family had any involvement in our lives this included that our children would be babysit only by her.  My MIL was also use to being the person DH went to for advice.  I honestly feel she didn't trust me and didn't even trust DH to make good decisions for our lives.  Well she didn't care about my life but she did care about DH's and it was obvious she only wanted him to listen to her, in fact she told him not to listen to any advice I gave him regarding money.  She was panicked I would take him and he would move away.  She was panicked that he would not be there to help them or support them.  She continually put DH in positions of having choose between what I wanted or what she wanted, it was so obvious I started changing my mind, wink wink, so there was no competition.  She would get giddy when DH chose what she wanted.  I really do think in her mind, DH choosing her was him loving her more, being more mindful of her wants and needs above his wife, it made her feel good.  I know she was jealous because she would get upset if we laughed together or showed affection in her presence, by affection I mean sitting too close on the lounge or our hands touching, I saw this in her glare, her verbal huffs and her banging dishes violently in the kitchen each time we laughed together, in fact to this day I can still tell when DH is in her presence when I call him because he still gets tense and stiff and has a certain tone.  Anyone else he is relaxed and easy going.  I can then hear her in the background talking banging stuff around.

In essence I feel the problems arose from competition, control, jealousy, fear.  Fear of change, fear of a changing relationship with her son, immaturity on my MIL's behalf to not control her own emotions, menopause.[/quote]

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