Reply to Resentful, bitter young adult child (newly graduated)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is me and my 20 year old dad. Just add a lot more metal illnesses for dad and way more imagined abuse I allegedly bestowed upon her. Two therapists and everything is my fault too. Apparently I said once I’ll give you something to hurt over, but never touched her, and that is the equivalent of actual physical abuse. No mention to anyone about her physically attacking me for real on two occasions one last Christmas and once as a teen. Except I can’t say anything as she is extremely unstable. Dh and I pay for everything, even her own place.[/quote]

OP here. I have no idea who wrote the above quote.  Just didn't want anyone to think it was me the OP writing above.  You gave shared a lot of insightful things for me.  I appreciate it.  Greatly.  I never meant to paint myself as a victim and her and therapist bad.  As I pointed out I've made mistakes and her feelings are valid and not for me to diminish.  Thank-you for your help.  I do still feel like I am dealing with a somewhat entitled young adult who is not ready to adult.  I do feel that depression pandemic social isolation is at play.  I was talking with her this morning and she told me she is scared to get out on her own and that I want her to grow up too fast.  But she said she also wants to get out and be on her own again.  Conflicting emotions.  I told her that although she'll be on her own for bills I will assist her with $$ to pay for therapy. I think it is important for her to continue therapy.but I have no problem her laying her own living expenses etc when she moves out   All these things I originally shared with you here I did not share with her.  I know some of you think I am a toxic parent and that's fine BC you only heard one side.  I.am not perfect but I do live her and want her to be a productive young adult independent of her parents house.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Thanks to all again for your advice and support.  [/quote]

I think it's good you are willing to pay for therapy and you support it. Sounds like you are gently helping her move toward independence. I don't think you are toxic. I think some advice on  here is toxic and people are quick to make your adult child out to be awful. I think it's good she feels comfortable sharing with you. I also think she she is just a little less mature in part due to the pandemic. A lot of people are finding their kids did not progress maturity wise during lockdown. She sounds like a teen who has very mixed emotions toward you-confides in you, yet wants to dump you, wants independence, yet scares. It's not abnormal for a late teen or even probably someone in their early 20s. Add the pandemic stress and her own wiring and it's a lot to process. Hopefully you both will find better ways to connect with eachother. It is clear you care, but even the title reflects some bias and not stepping back to get a full sense of the situation unless she is just really awful.[/quote]

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