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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The most appealing part of this pitch to your wife will be how you desperately want to have more sex, but anyone will do. [/quote] that pitch comes after desperately begging her to talk to a counselor with me and take this issue seriously.she won’t [/quote]

You can’t talk to someone to get them to be attracted to you, the only way is for you to become attractive to her. 
Think about when you were dating, you were this new shiny person who knew all sorts of stuff that she maybe didn’t, you were intriguing to her and she wanted to know more. When you we’re dating she was also a little bit insecure, she needed to keep your attention, that insecurity fires off a willingness to please that I’m sure you’ll agree is now missing.

Right now she knows everything about you and probably what you’re going to say before you even say it, your subtle or not so subtle words and actions regarding feeling lonely and unloved are only making you more repellent to her. [b]You need to withdraw affection completely, if she seeks it out certainly give it to her but stop before you think she’s had enough, if she likes a 30 second hug you do it for 15 and move on to something else, don’t be cruel and don’t be mean just be a little bit more businesslike. [/b]At the same time you’re going to find some cool stuff to get into that has nothing to do with your wife or family, take a class, buy a mountain bike, get yourself a kayak – whatever. You say your weight is in check but start changing your diet, start working out really really hard; you will be building muscle but at the same time you will be burning off all of that hurt that you’re feeling and it will convert into something positive.  
It might take a while but she’s going to notice what’s going on here, you can’t ask her to acknowledge your changes and when she does comment on them just shrug it off without searching for reassurance or compliments.  
After a while you will stop thinking the way you are and her withdrawal from you will be less upsetting, once these things start to fall into place your wife may find her way back to wanting you. 
But maybe she won’t, either way you are making yourself better and happier for the next chapter if there needs to be one. 
[/quote]
As a married woman, this crap would just make me lose interest even more. I'd start getting my finances in order.[/quote]

Ha!  I was thinking that all of this would make most women even more resentful.  The biggest complaint I hear from women about their husbands after having kids is: “It’s like his life didn’t change at all.”  
Don’t pick up a new hobby, stop eating meals with your family so that you can “change your diet,” or spend weekends alone on mountain biking trails.  This is only going to distance you more from your family life and make an affair seem more appealing.

If you are staying in this marriage because you want the house and the kids, then throw yourself into taking care of the house and kids.  Be the dad who is out in the driveway playing basketball in his work clothes before he even goes inside.  Spend your weekends actually hanging out with your kids, building stuff together, doing their kid stuff with them, and taking them with you when you do your own chores and errands.  Spend some time improving and repairing your home.  Your house and kids are the most important things in your life and the reason you are staying in a miserable marriage.  Make those things exactly the way you want them. 
[/quote]  that’s exactly what I do. We don’t really have 
time for hobbies for the simple reason pretty much all our “free” time is spent with kids or doing various household chores. We are both very good parents who spend a lot of time and energy on the kids but honestly I think it would healthier over the long term if we both made time for outside interests and friends because before we know it the kids will be on their own.[/quote]

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