Reply to Could you forgive a one time misstep by your husband?

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[quote=Anonymous]I haven’t met a man yet who brings flowers just because, helps without being asked and calls to say that he’s.. coming home just because.  I understand calling to say “I’ll be home..” so we can plan supper but not to tell me he’s on the way home.

In short, every guy I’ve ever known who behaves as your husband does has something he’s doing that his wife won’t like.. sadly as you are finding out.

You also seem shockingly nivaev, he’s always been honest in the past? How can you possibly know that for a fact about well, anybody.  You seem like a little girl talking about her daddy, not a woman talking about her husband.

As for staying with him and not forgiving him, that will destroy you.  You will become mean and maybe even abusive.  You don’t have to forgive or stay, but if you do stay, you need to forgive.

Going forward, I would insist he drop this friend and everybody else in the friend group.  The girl he messed around with will pop up when you least expect it. The only way to prevent this is for him to dump the whole lot of them.

You two also do all socializing together. You may need to go out when you don’t feel like it, and he may need to stay home when he’d prefer to go out.  Your fun needs to be things you two experience together.  I don’t understand why he got to go out when you’d been also going through a pandemic and last weekend was Halloween for you too.  You treated him like he’s a high school boy “Sure, go out with your friends” exactly what I said to my daughter. That’s not being a wife, that’s being a mother. You and your husband no longer socialize separately.

I’m sorry, op. You’ll never know what did and didn’t happen.  You’ll need to be comfortable with that.  If I had to guess, they’d been building up to this for awhile.  I’m also not convinced he feels as guilty as he says.  He’s probably worried she’ll tell you or one of the friends will make a comment “Remember that one Halloween party where Jack And Jill…”

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