Reply to So annoyed the cheaters are not getting consequences

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Like many examples above, this is why a lot of people really don't reflexively judge cheaters. I definitely come down on the side of "cheating is wrong" but I can also understand why people do it and I don't see the betrayed as always the victim so why would I expect "consequences"?

It's just as possible the person who was a jackass to their spouse in the marriage is getting their consequences by being cheated on.

And of course, I know there are many wonderful people who did nothing to deserve being cheated on and to them they have my earnest sympathy.[/quote]

Right but try to tell that to the relationship fixers and they will say the first thing is you can’t blame the person you cheated on for your behavior. It all becomes about the cheating as if you have forfeited the relationship itself and your rights in it.[/quote]

Correct.  You can't blame somebody else for your active immoral choices and lying. You are the one that chose a poor coping mechanism.  Sticking your D in someone else--(or receiving it from someone else) were active choices on your part.

The way you 'coped' with your problems was in error.  There may be a host of things that went wrong, including many that were your fault but you fail to see to justify stepping out.  Spouses turn cold for a reason--a lot has to do with the cheater who then blames the spouse.  Who wants to be intimate with a critical a-hole?

Therapists jumping point is now--the decision to cheat 100% lies with the person that chose to do it.  That is as it should be.  They may have had unaddressed childhood trauma issues (cheating or alcoholic parents or divorce and inattention, etc.) or they may want variety sex, etc.  They may have grown angry and critical and not seen how over-worked their spouse was. They may have purposely turned outward instead of inward.  None of those things are the fault of the betrayed.

My spouse was a huge a-hole.  I still didn't cheat.  99% of the time it is the a-holes that do the cheating.  They caused a lot of the toxicity in the home environment.[/quote]

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