Reply to Moved at the suggestion of my sister, and now she's ditched me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was in NYC for 10 years, sister in DC.
A relationship that I thought was headed to marriage ended and I hated my job. My sister suggested I relocate to DC for a change of pace, saying basically, "We'll be right down the street, can hang out all the time, it'll be great." I was so lonely and adrift after the breakup (mutual but we were together 10 years and lived together for six) that I was so eager to feel part of a family again. I said OK. 
I visited a few times, looked at apartments with her, and decided to go for it. I knew if nothing else I'd have my sister and her family (husband and two kids) nearby, and I have some college friends there too. I can WFH thanks to COVID indefinitely with my current job so finally in June I just said screw it, I'm going to try something new and I moved to DC -- my sister lives in a town outside the city but close in on the subway.
We looked for apartments together one more time, I signed a lease, and here I am.
During the summer I hung out a lot at my sister's...she would have me for dinner a lot, I'd hang out and watch TV with them or play with my nieces. 
Now, three months into my being here, I feel like she's ghosting me.

I ask to come over for dinner and she says they're busy. The kids seem to have stuff every night of the week which seems crazy but OK. I asked to work from her house sometimes because my apartment is so quiet and I'm lonely...like really lonely without my ex of 10 years...and she said sure, so I had been working there, but then she said that her husband's work schedule was ramping up and he'd be on calls a lot so I should plan to work from my own apartment more (even though I work on the other side of the house). Then this Sunday on my weekly chat with my parents, my mom said...maybe after a glass of wine, cannot tell...that I really need to give my sister more breathing room because "you know, she has a family." As if I am a nobody without a "Family" so cannot possibly have needs.

I don't know why the hell my sister told me to move here. My mom's comment has upset me so much. I feel so alone. I am so mad at my sister. Any ideas... thanks dcum.

[/quote]

OP, you sound adrift, which is completely understandable after a breakup and relocations.

Your sister is not ghosting you, but she also cannot be your sole source of social inclusion, happiness, and support.

I’m sorry, but I will say as someone who has done it - WFH after relocating is one of the worst things to do for your mental health. Is there a way you can go into an office even a few times a week to meet coworkers, or is your position solely remote now? I know you asked to work at your sister’s occasionally, but it also sounds like that occasion became pretty frequent. Maybe ask to go one day a week, on the same day, and maybe tie that day to helping them in some way while you’re there - prepping dinner or taking one kid to an activity (even just you and that kid), doing groceries before work, etc. Point blank - if you want to be treated like family, then contribute like family. Take some of the burden off so she doesn’t have an extra, but adult, child to cater to and for.

You probably don’t want to hear this, but part of getting on with your life is learning how to stand on *your* two feet, without your partner being there. You need to grieve and find yourself without them, and running to what’s easy isn’t always going to be the solution. You live in a city with so much to do, so many potential things to learn and experience. Get comfortable to do things that make YOU happy. No one: not your sister, not your ex partner, can fill your bucket for you, and as hard as it feels, it’s what you need to go through right now. There’s going to be lonely nights, but there should also be nights you get off your butt and do something, and your sister can’t fix that for you.

Having your sister close is amazing, but it doesn’t mean you have to be under her roof 24/7. [/quote]

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