Reply to Moved at the suggestion of my sister, and now she's ditched me

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[quote=Anonymous]This often happens when you move near family, op. After the newness wears off, you become just another person, seeing you isn’t special or new though your sister probably loves you and likes you just fine.  It’s just that she has things she needs and wants to do with her husband and kids, things that don’t include you at least not with the frequency you seem to want.

You seem skeptical that the kids are busy every night of the week. Maybe they are, though your “this seems crazy” won’t win you any friends.  Two of my kids have found activities they and us really enjoy.  There are weeks where we are doing these activities and when we aren’t, we just want to go home, eat dinner and go to bed. We don’t want anybody else there no mater how much we love them. The late nights are good for all of us, but also tire us all out. The kids still want the same bedtime routine, one that we all enjoy. We all still need to eat.  We need our earlier solo nights to get the rest we need so we don’t snarl at each other due to too little sleep.  We also have to do things like laundry, homework, grocery shop, and then we have things like birthdays, holidays and the like.  Our middle cild got really into decorating for Halloween this year. It made her so happy, and she did much of the work. I’m proud of her. Even with her doing the work, we still had to get her the supplies and make sure she was appropriately using them.   Since the world is reopening, activities exist that hadn’t been around for over a year.  Kids have grown up during that year and have expressed interest in activities that previously didn’t interest them. You may have thought that the world went to sleep, and for some people it did. It didn’t for my kids, and it probably hasn’t for your sister’s.

As for you working at the house, that seems a bit much to me.  I know I’d not like it if another woman was working in the house with my husband, I’d understand it if your apartment had cockroaches the size of puppies and you needed to not be there for a couple days, but to do it because you’re lonely.. I’d just not like that.  I’d feel like I had to be ready to have you over, kids dressed and presentable (and sometimes that’s hard after a late “crazy night), husband up and dressed, (no random morning quickies when the sister will be showing up any minute) and it’s basically a different pattern to the days.  For all you know, a neighbor commented on why this woman is hanging out at your sister’s house all day.  These comments shouldn’t matter, but they do when people think your husband is up to no good because it impacts friendships for the parents and kids. Also, nobody wants their husband to be the gossip of the neighborhood. Again, none of this matters before kids, it matters a lot once kids are older.

Your mom may have been more blunt then she should have been.  I don’t know.  It does seem like you need to find something else to do. Try and date. Go do stuff you haven’t had time to do. If you don’t like the D.C. area, leave. Nobody is forcing you to stay here.  
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