Reply to How would you handle a 15 yo talking about getting a matching tattoo with a friend who is dying

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it’s pretty interesting how the people saying they wouldn’t allow this are basing that answer on their belief that the teens are not mature enough to understand the consequences/might change their minds/might be triggering.

If you are among those saying you would not allow this, please spell out exactly how you would explain that answer to the teens in question, specifically the one with the terminal illness. It’s pretty easy to say, “I’d never allow this” but I suspect many of y’all would be a lot less strident in the face of the actual situation being described.

And to the people who are saying that a small tattoo with dates is “disfigurement” I wonder if you are always so hyperbolic. Also that you and your kids don’t have pierced ears. [/quote]

I'm on the fence and have not yet responded.  I take issue with your premise that I owe an explanation to child with the terminal illness.  I would still have to consider my child here.[/quote]

I didn’t say you owe anyone an explanation, but you’re dreaming if you think this is a situation where you can just say “no” and have that be the end of it. The OP’s daughter is certainly not going to let it go. I guess you could just wait until her friend dies to avoid THAT conversation, but there is no way out of this situation that doesn’t involve having to provide a difficult and hurtful answer to a teenager whose good friend is dying. If a tiny tattoo is worth the hurt that denying this will cause, go for it, but it doesn’t give you some kind of great parent award. [/quote]

There is quite a lot of sanctimony in your post there and assumption that I think I wouldn't have say anything to my own child comes out of now where. My comment was on my mental orientation, which is towards my own child.

My closest childhood friend died when I was 19, she was 20. The ocean of grief was so overwhelming for so long (for her family too) that the idea of getting a tattoo to aid memory and provide comfort is like talking about a drop in the ocean (and I suspect her parents would have felt the same way about their daughter's friend getting a tattoo).  It really feels like a non-sequitur, frankly, but I am hearing that this could be comforting to others.  I suppose now 30 years later with the benefit of hindsight and not drowning in the emotion, I'd prefer living remembrance.  Like, my friend was fiercely creative.  I am not.  But anytime I do something the least bit creative, I think of her, wonder what she would have thought, and hope she would be proud of me.  Symbols have their place but in my experience they really didn't come close to providing any comfort during the worst of it.[/quote]

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