Reply to Anyone have an affair and actually end up with that person?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My AP and I have been together, separated from our former spouses, for over 2 years now. We are very happy, but also aware that we didn't do the right thing in how we got started. We are careful to take care of our relationship since we both clearly see how our previous relationships went wrong due to lack of communication and a willingness not to work to ensure that we were happy. My ex-DH and I hadn't shared a bedroom or a bed for years before I met my AP and I was left working my a$$ off both professionally and with the kids with very little love or affection. I'm so much happier and I'm a far better Mom now. [b]Kids are late teens, thank goodness, so they've actually been quite understanding and have embraced AP. [/b]Luckily his 1 step-daughter is already a grown adult, though she's had more trouble with it than my kids did. I give them a lot of space and make sure they can work on their relationship without me around.

It isn't how I would choose things to happen and it's actually quite out of character for me, a person who has always followed all of the rules, but it just happened. We're a good team and I feel like being in our 50's makes us realize who we really are and who we want to be. We're actively happy everyday.[/quote]

It sounds like you don't really care, but FYI, I was that kid and I was only pretending to be okay with it.  When I got out of the house and more secure in my own adulthood, I was able to act on my true views.  Be prepared.[/quote]

Of course I care. I was wildly unhappy with Ex-DH but stayed for this very reason. Younger child was very upset when it first happened but through therapy and a lot of work we've gotten to a good place. I've allowed them to be angry and to take space and to have ample time with just me and they've seen how to take ownership of your own life and not sacrifice all of your happiness because you're a parent. They have problems with their father for the very same reasons I do and they've expressed to me that they understand. Of course we will continue with therapy and talking things through.  I think it helps that their father knows that he wasn't willing to go to therapy that I asked for for years or work with me at all and so he's been remarkably understanding about the whole thing and we have a very good co-parenting relationship. We still get together for birthdays and parts of holidays and get along as friends.

To a PP, AP has a step-daughter who he took full responsibility of when he married her mother. Not HIS bio child, but he loves her and still pays for most of her living expenses even though she's almost 30.[b] Failure to thrive as she's completely coddled by her mother, his ex. [/b][/quote]

It's always a good look when the AP insults the spouse :roll: .  They get one side and one view, but think they know the entire history of the relationship, psychology of everyone in the family.[/quote]

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