Reply to Is your DH capable of caretaking?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Is your DH capable of caretaking?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP one more time. I’ve read the last couple of pages of replies and am surprised by how nasty and dismissive people are. I just asked if your DH is capable of caregiving and described the situation I’m going to be in. People piled on and accused me of being some kind of uptight princess for wanting to recover in a clean and healthy environment that I won’t be able to create on my own. How outsourced is everyone’s life that PPs are posing it as a choice between dirty house/Uber eats or checking into a nursing home. I’m an anxious baby for expecting anything in the middle?![/quote]

OP, I'm sorry for what you're going through and I don't know why so many DCUM commenters have been so nasty.

BUT. Reading your initial post and some of your replies, it jumps out at me that you have inadvertently helped create this monster. Every time you're out of town, you arrange everything and give him a schedule. You plan all the meals, you are responsible for all of the stuff around the house, all while he just lounges and watches football. If you want him to be capable of caretaking, you need to make him learn, and he will not learn by you continuing to do it all. Throw him into the deep end.

I think there was a Carolyn Hax letter writer years ago who wrote about having the revelation that you need to have. She had some kind of traumatic accident and surgery, and woke up her first day at home to her husband and kids surrounding the foot of her bed saying, "so....what's for dinner?" It made her realize that they weren't being deliberately callous, it was just that they had not learned how to operate any other way, because every other time she had been out of commission, traveling for work, or whatever, she had planned everything down to a T. To the point that what she realized was, they were scared to even attempt anything that she hadn't planned.

You've trained dependency. Time to switch gears and train independence.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics