Reply to Incapable and Defensive Spouse

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Incapable and Defensive Spouse"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm a previous pp with ADHD I am also a woman. Also highly intelligent, and working in a field that requires a high level of focus. I function okay at work, but it literally zaps all my energy and all my focus so that it's nearly impossible for me to get things done at home.

I am very fortunate that I have a spouse who doesn't expect me to be Susie Homemaker and is capable of other tasks.  There's plenty I do around the house. Lists and reminders help. Groceries are a struggle for me even with a list. [/quote]

But do you get nearly every item on the list wrong or botched up like OP’s wife does?  Milk is a good example.  The 2% has a different color label or cap compared to the skim. If you’re buying your milk at the same store week after week, you are going to notice the color of the cap.  A two year old could figure out that one.  You seem sincere; however, from OP’a description I’m not buying that his wife is an unfortunate victim of adhd, overwork, or an unsympathetic husband.  [/quote]

NP. I do get a lot wrong on the list. I have coping mechanisms and systems set up to help but it feels like once I fix one problem, a new one comes along. One time I went to the grocery with a list of 3 items, forgot the list existed, came out with a cart full and only one of the original 3 items. It’s embarrassing and overwhelming. I feel like a f up pretty often. I really do try though, and I keep on trying. The problem is, when you’re told on a regular basis that you suck, it’s hard to believe you’ll ever get things right, and it’s hard to put in the effort when you don’t get good results.

Part of the problem for me is that I’m tired of being assigned the tasks I suck at. Im so bad at paperwork and inventory management. I cannot keep track of how much cereal (I don’t eat) we have and if we need more. I can set up automatic delivery but if we get too much he complains too. It’s like he wants me to check and see if he has cereal before I go to the store and get more if he’s low, in addition to all the other things I need to attend to. He could let me know he’s low on cereal, but somehow that’s not a viable solution for him. He’d also rather nag me about doing the taxes than do them himself. He starts asking in February if I’ve done them yet and the answer is always, “If it’s important for them to be done this week, you’re welcome to do the task.” It stresses hi. Out that it’s not done ahead of time, but I get no support in doing it. He does very little at home, but complains about how I do it. I know I mess up a lot, but heaping more tasks and criticisms on me helps no one. We both work full time, and he works from home 2-3 days a week. [/quote]

So I am a super detailed person married to an ADHD guy. First, I am laughing because I also had no idea about the milk cap thing and I am insanely detail oriented. But second, your husband just sounds like a jerk. I won’t pretend that I never get frustrated with my husband’s lack of attention to detail and I won’t pretend I never come down on him about screwing up details. But honestly, it is all pretty rare at this point. There is no way I would hound him to do all the paperwork. That is ridiculous. I do the paperwork and he does the laundry and other things. After 15 years of marriage, we have figured out how to play to each other’s strengths. And most of our comments to the other are just jokes because we both know exactly how things are and that we have a great life together even with our differences. You don’t deserve to be castigated for all this and you also shouldn’t have to handle everything.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics