Reply to "the victim of the affair is not always the victim of the marriage"

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Reply to ""the victim of the affair is not always the victim of the marriage""

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The victim of the affair was the OW. He had an EA with a woman who told him she would leave her DH if he left me. Perhaps he was seeking something emotional that was missing in our marriage, but I was so drained by years of emotional and financial abuse by him that I had nothing left to give. So, like other emotional vampires, he found a new source of energy to feed off. Free of some of his negative attentions, my head cleared enough that I could see his abuse of me for what it was. I accepted the help my parents had offered for years. And in my third trimester, I filed for divorce.

I didn't blame her. She was unhappy in her own marriage and my ex has always been able to oversell himself. I was relieved for her and her DC when she decided to stay with her DH, though I heard from multiple sources that it was a financial decision. I consider her the victim of the affair because she was lured into investing so much of herself into a man who was unavailable due to his personality disorder, but claiming only his marriage was holding him back.[/quote]

Amazing…my husband also says I’m holding him back. Also a narcissist who is financially / emotionally abusive. Affair seeking whatever attention / adoration I could not give him because I was (like you), so beaten down [/quote]

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