Reply to SAHM’s - anyone successfully convince DH to support their staying home long term?

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Reply to "SAHM’s - anyone successfully convince DH to support their staying home long term?"

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[quote=Anonymous]As usual, everyone in this thread is angry at OP for not just magically having the exact same spouse, working conditions, skill set, and life experience as they do.

It's great if your spouse truly is an equal partner on the home and childcare front. OP's DH is not that. I see all the posts telling her to "make" him do it, but if it's not happening at this point (with their youngest a 10 year old) it's not going to happen anytime soon. My DH isn't a total slouch in these areas but he is far from an equal partner. I do actually "make" him do stuff because I think it's particularly important for our kids to see their dad cooking, cleaning, and doing childcare. But it takes time and energy for me to assign him stuff to do and, often, to help him accomplish it (yes, he has the learned helplessness men get when they are married, yes we've discussed it, no it has not solved itself even 10 years in). He very rarely takes initiative on anything other than cooking, which I definitely appreciate. But even stuff like car maintenance or bill pay, I either have to ask him to do, or check that he's done, or do it my self.

I wish that all men felt the same responsibility to take care of kids and home that women do. Again, my DH is not some misogynist jerk who dumps it on me because he thinks it's beneath him. He tries, but I have accepted that he will never do as much with the kids or in terms of making our household function as I do. We had a much more equal division of labor before having kids, which is when I figured out that despite good intentions, he just doesn't have it in him. I push him, but only so far, because I also value our relationship and I'm not actually willing to divorce -- he's a good husband and father, just a mediocre homemaker. It is what it is.

I do actually work part time now that my kids are in school and love working and think it's really, really important to have my own source of income. But I totally get where OP is coming with with a spouse who just doesn't pull weight at home. I also did not want to be that working mom who was on the hook for EVERYTHING at home while also trying to make a career work. Especially when the kids were really little and needed so much. The idea that a woman can just wave a magic wand and her spouse will step up is ridiculous. Some of us have tried everything to get them to do more (short of leaving them) and they just... don't. If a woman in that situation chooses to stay home [i]in order to[/i] have a more equal marriage, I say more power to her.[/quote]

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