Reply to Husband's beloved rural cabin makes me ill

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"IMO, if he wants a rural property, fine. But then shell out the money to buy something nice, with AC and doors (!) and all the other stuff. Dont force everyone into a mold infested, rotting old cabin with no doors just because you grew up going ther"

Exactly where in her post did OP say anything to give you the impression that she would want for them to buy a different rural cabin? [b]She outright said she doesn't want to kayak or do other outdoors activities, and that just being in the outdoors triggers her allergies[/b]. She doesn't find visiting a "boring" rural cabin to be fun or appealing in any way. But note that she says that now, after she tricked the husband into thinking she liked that sort of thing. She presented herself as a woman who enjoyed the outdoors and but now wants to make him to forego his cabin trips and instead stay in the city with her. Someone above said it clearly when they called this a bait and switch. I wouldn't be surprised if there are lots of other things she pretended to like when they were dating.

What I find fascinating is that she doesn't seem to want to own up to the fact that she married a man she doesn't really like. Or maybe she just doesn't want to face he consequences of that choice? It looks like he told her loud and clear that he loved that cabin and the activities one does at a cabin, and she lied to herself about wanting a man who is into that sort of thing.

Next time someone asks in the Relationships Forum about questions to ask/flags to look for in a potential spouse, this one needs to go on the list. And people of any gender need to stop posing and pretending to be something they're not while dating. It doesn't do anybody any favors to lie while dating because the truth will come out eventually. It's hard enough to determine whether you've picking the right life partner without someone actively concealing things. [/quote]

Okay... and?  That's the point of having a nice rural home with a satellite TV, internet connection, nice indoor space with a kitchen.  At my family's rural place, part of the joy is, yes, hikes in the woods and kayaking and all of that.  But a big part is cooking together in our huge kitchen or having a movie night together in front of the big TV, or sitting inside in the comfortable library and reading.  Those are all part of the rural experience.

That's why it's important for both spouses to be happy with a situation. I would never dream of forcing any of my partners to come to our family country house if it was a one room log cabin with mold and nothing to do.  That's just selfish.  Part of having these houses is knowing that a big part of your attachment is your childhood connection and (rightfully so) your partner isnt going to be as charmed by the little quirks, because a big part of it is affection/memories/nostalgia.  That's why you compromise and make sure your partner is comfortable there too.

Also, these houses require a lot of upkeep, which is where you can work in the additional updates to make a partner happy.  That's probably why this place has a horrific mold infestation, sounds like it's just a dump and no one upkeeps it the way they should.[/quote]

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