Reply to Our daughters boyfriend is now living with us, what are some realistic boundaries to set

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, what they teach in foster parent training is applicable to your family. He is a young person who has lived through trauma and has become unmoored. He needs reassurance that he is safe. He is going into overpleasing drive in order to prove his worth and protect from “real” living on the street homelessness. He is jumpy because anything could set off drunk Dad. Just like a person who has been in a car accident gets all jumpy and nervous in the car, same here. He is accustomed to walking on eggshells so it may not be you, he will be like that any where.

Private check ins by you and your wife with him about how he is doing, feeling, what is he afraid of etc.

A chore list for all kids will help him. If he’s up at 3am washing dishes, maybe he got up to eat in the middle of the night? Just ask him why he is doing it.  Speaking to the school counselor, I hope hope hope, will be helpful. As he needs health insurance. If school offers mental health counseling that may be ok, but he may need external counseling and Medicaid can cover it.

Look up resources online regarding teens in foster care, or abused teens and foster care. You may find helpful information.[/quote]

Thank you the foster care advice and online resources are appreciated[/quote]

PP back again with some specific resources:
Fosterparentcollege.com online courses include helpful written materials on:
trauma informed parenting. The child’s trauma, abuse and neglect, alcoholism, inform behaviors and how you parent.
Reducing Family Stress course
Supporting Normalcy
Preparing Teens for Post Secondary Education

Also dcfapac.org Foster and Adoptive Advocacy Center has parent peer groups, courses. Great group and I bet if you just reached out to them someone would talk you through things.[/quote]

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