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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have two kids (newborn and 2.5). Husband and I both work full-time in demanding-is jobs and we have a nanny, but no family support (everyone lives 5+ hours away and no one is in a position to drop everything and help unless there is a big emergency). We bring our kids on date nights and we don't have time alone together, except for when the kids are sleeping. We are thinking of having a third in a few years (that was always the plan). Just grinding it out right now and wondering when it starts getting easier. I've heard it's when your youngest is more independent, around 7. That makes sense to me, but then people always say "bigger kids bigger problems." I totally understand that having a kid who can't make their own meals and throws tantrums is easier than dealing with a mental health crisis or rehab. But that phrase always makes me feel like it will never get easier. So, when does it start getting easier for most people? [/quote]

I think you need to identify exactly which parts are hard for you and then you can start to think about when things might get easier.

For example, lack of sleep was really hard for me, but once they both slept through the night, it became a lot easier. I have friends who are still ok with their kids waking up in the middle of the night with issues and it's never been a problem for them.

For some, the logistics of cooking for multiple people (especially when kids eat really early and/or not the same things you do and when you work all day like you do - I do as well), for others it's relaxing to plan and cook so it's not a stressor.

For some it's the house stuff - laundry, cleaning, etc. Others outsource all of that so it's not a concern. Hopefully you can see where I'm going.

If what you are struggling with is finding time alone and time with your husband, which is what it sounds like, then that gets easier around maybe 5, definitely 6, and for sure by 7, when they start to be able to and want to play on their own. I have twin girls so they've always had each other as playmates, so it may not hold true for yours of different ages (and possibly different genders?), but their ability to go to the playroom and play together while we're at home has led to much more time for my husband and I, mostly during the weekends since during the week we're both working so generally all time not spent working is with the kids.

Of course, having a baby just shifts that timeline back for you, since if you're not pregnant yet you are at least 6 years away from being at the point of having independent kids.

Also, as a working mom whose husband also has a full-time job (both of which I'd consider demanding-ish, like yours), when they get older and start doing more activities it also becomes more difficult, and this is exponentially true with three kids. We also have a full-time nanny, even though the kids are in school all day (not now, obviously, since it's summer), but even still there are times when their activities end at or around the same time, which means that the nanny can pick up one and my husband or I have to pick up the other. I can't even imagine if we had a third kid to add into the mix! My girls did the same things until about age 7, which is when their interests in sports diverged, but since yours are of different ages, you are likely going to have them in different levels even if they're in the same sport, so you're going to find yourself pulled in multiple directions.

I never wanted three kids so I'm clearly coming from that bias, but I can't see why you would want three either, given your current situation. Wait until your two are a little older and you can breathe and enjoy them. Adding a third just seems like a terrible idea and will only stretch you thinner.[/quote]

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