Reply to When Does It Start Getting Easier

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]

What? Lol. I am not depressed or struggling. I'm not OP. I do have kids on both sides of the divide right now though and feel like you guys are being very dismissive.

I think there are two like, swimlanes (apologies for the corporate speak) of parenting here and people are confusing them. One is the worry you feel about parenting your children and your investment in their emotional health. The emotional and mental side of parenting. This is actually I think easier in the early years because yes, little kids little problems. I don't worry about whether my 1 year old is happy or feeling loved, but I can already see that with my 6 year old that my fears and worries for them have become 'bigger'. I know that this mental load so to speak will only grow and get more complex and difficult.

The other swimlane is the physical parenting. Having to constantly be paying attention so no one dies. Listening for every rogue bump, waking up for every nightmare and accident and feeding. This is mentally and physically taxing in an entirely different way and defines for many people the early years. The not being able to have a moment to myself to think. The having only an hour at the end of the day to decompress after all the chores and cleaning and kid stuff is done. The being constantly tired and dragging yourself up to do it again. And I think this is the stuff you DO grit your teeth to get through. You grit your teeth to survive until they sleep through the night. You grit your teeth cleaning up bodily fluids until they can manage that. You grit your teeth and pay attention until you think you can't pay attention for another second to make sure they don't fall down the stairs or under the water in the tub. You grit your teeth through not having enough time. This is the part that literally wears on you as a person and makes it more difficult to cope with the problems going on around you.

Acknowledging that that part is hard and does require some pushing through doesn't take away from the complexities and toughness of that mental load in the first swimlane. They are different, one is lifelong and one is temporary. And I think for the first it is important to just accept that this is your life now and you did make it and that is amazing and awesome and I have actually thought to myself almost exactly what PP said above before. I made it, I got a job and a good husband and got babies out into this world alive and healthy and I made it and I am mostly extremely grateful for that. But that doesn't mean it isn't hard to sit down and immediately have some kid yell for me to come wipe their butt. [/quote]

This is extremely well said. [/quote]

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