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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]You NEVER answered my question about what you think these women should do.[/quote]

I can answer the question about what you should have done, using your posts as reference material.  As for other women, every situation is different and should be treated individually.

[quote]Holy $hit. I did not “decide” to change teams. I was a SAHM when I realized and acknowledged what was always true. [/quote]

At this point, you could have shared your feelings with the person you pledged to love for the rest of your life.  Therapy and counseling would have helped you frame where you were and where the two of you could have gone prospectively.

[quote]When I realized I might not be able to stay in the marriage, I began busting my ass to find a job, then a better job, then better and better until I was in a place where I could support the kids on my own if I needed to. When I got there, I told him I was leaving. [/quote]

Translation:  Once I knew things were going to be good for me, peace out.  However, before that, I kept acting like I was his wife and in love with him.

[quote]Honestly I might have left him anyway - he has never supported me in the career, only put me down, told me I would never be anything, constant complainer, happy to put his feet up after work while I did the second shift. Sorry, not sorry.[/quote]

Wait.  Did you leave because you wanted to date women or because he was a bad husband?  Did you give him a chance to work on the issues that bothered you?

[quote]We split everything 50/50, split kid expenses 50/50, though he travels so I have them most of the time.[/quote]

Translaction:  I support my kids after leaving their father to date around.  Be proud of me.

[quote]What would you have me do?[/quote]

I would have you be honest.  If you were just to say "I did what I did because it benefited me" instead of blaming everyone else we would have nothing to post about.[/quote]

How do you know I didn’t do some of those things? Therapy, etc? Do I owe you the whole entire story?
Yes, I did things the way I did because I did not want to be kicked out onto the streets without a job, or live with someone who was hateful and angry at me until I could afford to move out on my own. I am not sorry for that. [/quote]

That would be an illegal eviction. Which of course doesn't mean it doesn't happen, but it's not something a judge would look happily on. And you're entitled to take some money from accounts before you tell him if you're concerned he's going to cut off access to funds - they're shared as long as you're married - which you can use to talk to a lawyer if that's something you're really concerned about happening. As for living with someone hateful and angry, well, yeah, that would seem like a natural consequence here.

Sometimes you put yourself first even if it harms someone else. Fine. Everyone has done that in some way. But this "none of it was my fault and I was just trying to not be homeless stuff" - c'mon. You chose to prioritize your own lifestyle and comfort, emotionally and materially, over being honest with your spouse in a major, major way. Your ex-spouse, and other people in that situation, have every right to notice that and feel angry. This is not something that just happened to you. There a victim, and you are not them. [/quote]

I am not currently a victim. 
When I was a sexually repressed SAHM with depression and low self esteem and unsupportive spouse, well yeah that really sucked. 
I chose to get out of that. 
Likewise, XDH is free to empower himself out of victimhood as well. If not, why not?
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