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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]I know I shouldn’t let the MRA poster get to me so much, but it is infuriating having someone make wild assumptions and accusations, who has absolutely no understanding of what women of limited means in unhappy marriages have to go through and put up with in order to get out. He keeps talking as if he loved a woman who left him for someone else. Clearly he is not my ex.[/quote]

Your EXDH has every reason to call you out on the one issue you will not face.  You deceived him and then blamed society, your parents, etc. for not letting you be who you are.

[quote]This poster pops up from time to time and it is always the same. I never hear this type of vitriol from them when a woman decides to leave her husband for any other reason - only the reason in the scenario that this thread is about.
The only explanation I can think of is homophobia and misogyny.[/quote]

The explanation you need is you are being called out on your deception.  Plenty of posters, me included, have called out both men and women when they deceived their families prior to leaving them to date or for someone else.

Sadly, you use the term "homophobia" to cloak your defense of plotting to leave your DH to play the field.  The fact that you plotted to leave to date women is not the issue.  The fact that you hid your plot from your husband is.[/quote]

What difference does it make what reason someone had to leave their marriage, when they start making plans to leave?
The outcome is the same. The totality of my “plot” was going back to work in order to be able to stand on my own two feet, which BENEFITS HIM because he does not have to foot the entire bill of raising the kids, nor does he pay alimony. 
Same as any other woman unhappy in a marriage for any other reason. 
You NEVER answered my question about what you think these women should do.[/quote]

Yes, the reason matters. If your spouse is abusing you, you should make whatever plans you need to make and keep them secret so you can leave safely, no matter how much lying you have to do. If you're cheating on your spouse, and you take those same actions, you are the one betraying them. This is not closer to the first.

In terms of what to do, there's really no good set of actions when the setup is "I deceived my spouse for years and built a life with them based on that deception, stealing years of their lives that they could have used to build a relationship with someone else and the chance to raise children in an intact home." But, yes, letting them know sooner rather than later that their marriage is over is better than not. You still would have gotten a job. And if he wanted to say, "you know, let's stay together for awhile so you can be more self-sufficient and I don't have to pay alimony," he could have been part of that choice. But justifying continued deception based on "well, it worked out better that way for him" misses the part where your spouse deceiving you is part of the betrayal regardless of how it plays out, and where he didn't have major information about his own life that might have led him to make different choices.[/quote]

I agree. Not to mention if there are kids involved. Divorced or not it's still fair to them. [/quote]

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