Reply to Wife wants to be "alone" so this means we divorce?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She is tired.  She is tired of having everyone depend on her and doing everything - not just physical labor but being the emotional backbone of the family.  She is just tired.  
Maybe she is having an affair, maybe not.  This didn't pop up from nowhere, there had to be signs that you missed.  Did she try to talk to you about stuff or have you take an interest and you ignored?  Did she ask you to be involved in decisions like camps or schools and you acted uninterested?  (I am totally projecting here)
She has one foot out the door. Give her time to explore herself and some freedom to have fun.  Do not make this about you.  [/quote]

OP here, thanks for this and a lot of other replies. Yes, she does try to get me involved in decisions like camps and schools and the day to day and I will admit I fall short on those things more from a logistics standpoint - she will schedule a tour of a school or camp or activity but without notice to me my work schedule is packed and I can't make those things on 48 hours notice.

If I am accused of letting her handle the vast majority of the mental parenting load, I plead guilty. She has been a rock star in that regard and I tell her how much I appreciate what she's done.

We had a talk last night based on some advice given here. She said she's tired of the hampsterwheel and wants off. She also said something I found very hurtful: that my contribution doesn't feel equal to hers since most of what I do is professional and "you would have done that anyway" meaning it wasn't a sacrifice for her or the family. Again, totally wounding because it's completely untrue, I put in an enormous effort and reached a very high pinnacle of success professionally that I simply wouldn't have needed to do if I was only looking after me.

Thanks for all the feedback, it's helpful to hear perspectives that seem to match hers.
[/quote]

No but here’s the thing, from her perspective: your “sacrifice” working harder than you otherwise would have without a family [b]has brought you acclaim, status, and satisfaction. Her sacrifice has brought her the opposite.[/b][/quote]

OP here, she said those exact things to me. [/quote]

I am a woman. This is very, very hard to get over. She is right. And this happens to a lot of women. The sacrifice is just not worth it. The man gets ahead and the woman has nothing to show for her work. I work and I feel this way because I sacrificed my own career advancement for the family...my ex made no sacrifices...I worked the entire time and I felt this way and I feel if I did not work it would feel the same way, too. Men have no idea. They have a baby and go back to work like nothing ever happened. Women end up making the sacrifices, they are not recognized for that at all and then the men are blindsided about what happened. You used a woman like an employee while you got ahead. Now she feels like crap. She needs time to get her own identity back before being a full partner in a relationship again, in my opinion. She has given and given and now has nothing left to give. And is exhausted.[/quote]

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