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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I honestly meant for this to be an abstract question for discussion purposes, and not a dissection of my family’s situation, which is complicated and something I don’t feel like getting into.

I’ll share that I am the DH, and left biglaw litigation after only a few years for a GS-14/15 gig. I make a little less than 165k now (less when I transitioned). It wasn’t just the hours and mental exhaustion; it was feeling like a fish out of water, hating litigation and the acrimony, not aspiring to be a partner at all. Missed my wife and friends dearly when I was chained to desk or travel. Only times I felt happy was when work was light enough to be manageable, but not so light that I worried about hours.

But that transition has caused friction within my marriage, in some aspects justifiably so. It’s hard sometimes to balance your responsibilities to provide and be a good spouse with not feeling dead inside, and that’s something I struggle with a lot.[/quote]
I hope this gives you a little validation OP — I wish my DH was like you. Stayed in a high demand job for years and we hardly saw him — when we did he did not contribute anything whether chores or parenting or quality time. Years of resentment and feeling alone on my part.

Has your spouse ever actually said “I wish you made more money” or “I wish you hadn’t left so our income could be higher” etc? It’s possible that you are interpreting this as friction from a lower income (perhaps projecting your insecurities about your lower income onto her) while for her it may actually be that after years of your intense amount of work she is dealing with some resentment and/or challenges being around you more. [/quote]

OP here. Yes, she has. She used to be super career oriented, but had an epiphany of sorts that she wanted to take time off and/or be part-time to be with kids, and my decision complicated that. Our issues stem from severe lack of communication and life/financial planning, and I bear some responsibility for that. My wife’s resentment isn’t without justification, but sometimes I think I’ve allowed myself to feel too apologetic or ashamed of my choice. Again, I realize none of this makes sense without more detail. But I appreciate the validation —- when i see the wives of my partner friends going to yoga at 12 pm and going to spa and working out and not having financial worries, I feel like I failed my wife. It’s easy to forget that life isn’t rosy being married to a law firm partner, even with all the financial benefits.[/quote]

How involved are you with the kids and housework?

It’s one thing if you quit BigLaw because you want to contribute equally in the home and spend time with your kids. It’s another of you quit because you want to tinker in the garage or watch YouTube videos all day. [/quote]

This is what I’m wondering. I make $250K+ in business and do 90-95% of all kid, life, and household related things, because DH is in big law. It’s fine, because he’s genuinely much busier with work and because of the money...but if he made considerably less but wasn’t at least doing 50/50 with household/kid stuff, I would have an issue too.[/quote]

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