Reply to Is it selfish to move abroad for good when you're an only child?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t think anyone in your story did anything wrong (you’re entitled to your life!) but it’s obnoxious of you to wanted family to take over the job you wouldn’t do. And if it’s a competition you were clearly more selfish than more distant relatives who didn’t step up to play caregiver. [/quote]

OP here. DH and I did whatever we could to help my Dad. Being a caregiver is hard when you're in a different country from the person who needs the care.

What was I meant to do? Leave my husband, my home and my job abroad and move back in with Dad? It's not that simple.
I made the decision to move abroad when I was 27. Little did I know that my parents would get sick and die so quickly.

Of course I didn't expect my family to take over the bulk of the care. But they wouldn't even go check on him, or pick up the phone to ask if he needed anything.[/quote]

NO GUILT! Could have gone the other way.

My parents moved cross country where there was no family to retire. They had options but my father was stubborn, and would not move to Florida because he didn't want to help his sister (who never asked for help - she was married and they were in good health)

Fast forward 20+ years. They are now old. They are still refusing to move, instead insisting I leave my husband and my life here to move to THEM and pay for everything, since my father did not plan properly and they are now nearly broke, except for social security. I can't tell you how much crap I get from people telling me I'm selfish for not moving out there and paying for everything, when they have choices they refuse to exercise.

I had guilt in the beginning. I quickly realized that it was them who were unreasonable and demanding. I've offered choices, all very reasonable (including selling the home they can no longer afford and simply moving to a smaller place right down the street they CAN afford, since their house is paid off). Nope.[/quote]

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