Reply to Is it selfish to move abroad for good when you're an only child?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm an only child.

I moved abroad when I was in my 20s. This was no last-minute decision. I had been planning this for years. I found my hometown and my life too conservative and boring and I wanted an adventure. 
Met a man in my adopted country and married him. I'm still married to the same man and we still live in his country.

What I did not plan for was the following: Mom passed away after a short illness nearly 4 years after I left. Dad stayed single. Then, a couple years later, Dad got sick. He was sick for about 3 years, with various complications. He too passed away

When Dad was sick DH and I did our best to visit and help Dad as often as we could. Sometimes it was difficult to visit because of our jobs, and because of the fact we lived in a different country.

All this time we received very little help from family who lived in the same small town as my Dad (my hometown). Some close relatives on Mom's side of the family actually lived around the corner. Most local family lived no more than a 10-minute ride away. Some did offer support and practical help at first, but that quickly faded away.

My whole family knew well that I lived abroad and that I couldn't come home every 5 minutes, yet no one offered me any emotional support, and everyone thought I should just deal with it.
I organized the appropriate care for Dad, and a cleaner. However none of the relatives ever took him to a hospital or doctor's appointment, to the barber, the grocery store, etc. A neighbor, and one of Dad's old friends did.

If I could turn back time, knowing what I know now, I probably wouldn't have moved abroad.

The lack of support from family still leaves a bitter taste.

So, is it selfish to move away when you have no siblings?

[/quote]

Don’t second guess yourself. Your parents died very young and no one could have planned for that.  You would have had the same job and family pressures if you had moved to a different place in the US.

We tend to look back at our choices to see what we could have, would have, should have done had we known what the future held.  No one knows. We can only make decisions based on our current circumstances.  I do not think you were selfish to move to a different country in your 20’s.

Concentrate on the present, your current life and family.  You can look back and remember your parents, but try to not feel guilty for what you could not have anticipated.

I am sorry for your losses.  (((Hugs)))[/quote]

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