Reply to Is it selfish to move abroad for good when you're an only child?

Forum Index » Eldercare

Reply to "Is it selfish to move abroad for good when you're an only child?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP again. 
Perhaps I put too much emphasis in my posts on what my relatives didn't, wouldn't or couldn't do. But I do find their attitude annoying. When life is good,  they're great, they're fun. When life sucks, they seem to close ranks.

My Dad has been dead for several years now.

There is a reason I came on here. A couple months ago something bad happened to me and DH. A major event, something that one would normally tell family. We are both healthy and have jobs, but it was major and bad nonetheless. It is not money-related.

I texted Mom's siblings to let them know what happened. I did not ask for help because there is nothing they could have done.
One aunt & uncle didn't even reply. The other did, but they didn't acknowledge and texted about the nice things in their life instead. And how busy they are. My cousin, their daughter, didn't reply, even though recently I have shown a lot of interest in her pregnancy and her baby due in 2 months.

It just brought back memories of the time when Dad was ill and how they could have shown more empathy.[/quote]

OP, you kind of remind me of my mom, who has consistently expected more from my dad (now deceased)'s side of the family, who in my mind have always made it perfectly clear they are only interested in a perfunctory relationship. To that end, I've always told her to of course be civil and kind, but never expect anything of them, and in return, not feel obligated to do anything for them. For whatever reason, she's still hung up on how they don't have a close relationship (and relatedly, my brother and I are not close to any of our cousins on my dad's side). Sometimes family is not what you want or expect them to be - that's why you cultivate close friends and hire help as needed.

But I also agree with the other poster who decided to make sacrifices to be within driving distance of her family precisely to avoid the kind of guilt you've expressed. Like her, I decided early on as an adult that I wanted to be geographically close to my family (both so they could have a close relationship with my children and also so I could help them as they aged), so after grad school I moved back for good. I likely gave up promising career opportunities in NYC/DC as a result, but I have zero regrets because it allowed me to be close to my dad before he died, and help my mom in the aftermath; now my mom and young kids are incredibly close because they see her regularly. I hope my mom has many more years left, but either way, knowing I'm barely an hour away gives me peace. As others have said, you should not feel bad at all for your choices, but you also simply cannot expect extended family who have shown no interest in helping, to assist the way you, your parents' child, would. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics