Reply to Husband wants to dictate what happens with property I’m set to inherit

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]^^OP here— and the idea of using inheritance money for upkeep is brilliant, instead of using marital assets. Unfortunately my husband believes that all assets, even inherited, are shared....[/quote]

Advice from a qualified real estate or estates and trusts attorney trumps what your husband "believes".   Consult an attorney and if necessary, after you have consulted the attorney and decided how YOU want to handle YOUR inheritance, you may decide to ask the attorney to explain to you and your husband in a joint meeting how things will be structured.

Generally inheritances are separate property (i.e. property only of the inheritor) unless something is done during the marriage to change the status of the separate property, i.e. using marital income for upkeep and taxes.

Personally, I would consult an estates and trusts attorney.  There may be a way to title the property or place the ownership or the property and some maintenance money in trust so that all three of you can use the property but are also shielded from some of the liability potentially created by the less responsible brother.  But, of course, this would need to be done as part of your Dad's estate planning while he is still competent enough to make decisions.

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OP here— thank you, this is good advice. I was not sure what kind of attorney to consult.

My dad is adamant that he is leaving the property to all three of us. I don’t know why— just weird family dynamics.

So for me the choice seems to be left out of it or to “accept” the inheritance but have some kind of legal protections set up. We can’t rent it— it’s in a private community that doesn’t allow rentals.

As for why my husband doesn’t want it— he has probably spent a total of 12 hours at this cabin in the 25 years we’ve been married. He hates going there, hates spending time with my family. He’s met my dysfunctional sibling twice. He is not a supportive husband when it comes to my family. He has not made an effort to get to know any of them. I once found out that my grandmother had nicknamed my husband “the ghost” because no one ever saw him. He left my sister’s wedding reception early because there was an important football game he wanted to attend. So I am having trouble separating my resentment over his non-effort with my family from the very rational and sensible arguments and reasons why owning this place might not be in my best interest. It feels like one more thing he doesn’t want to be involved in. But he makes sure we have plenty of money set aside for all the things he cares about. [/quote]

I am really troubled by your husband’s non-participation in your family life. In light of that, I really see his refusal to support you inheriting a family property as part of a broader effort to weaken your ties with your family and isolate you from them.  I was once in a relationship where one of the emotionally abusive tactics was to separate me from friends and family by being critical of them. [/quote]

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