Reply to Husband wants to dictate what happens with property I’m set to inherit

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]^^OP here— and the idea of using inheritance money for upkeep is brilliant, instead of using marital assets. Unfortunately my husband believes that all assets, even inherited, are shared....[/quote]

Advice from a qualified real estate or estates and trusts attorney trumps what your husband "believes".   Consult an attorney and if necessary, after you have consulted the attorney and decided how YOU want to handle YOUR inheritance, you may decide to ask the attorney to explain to you and your husband in a joint meeting how things will be structured.

Generally inheritances are separate property (i.e. property only of the inheritor) unless something is done during the marriage to change the status of the separate property, i.e. using marital income for upkeep and taxes.

Personally, I would consult an estates and trusts attorney.  There may be a way to title the property or place the ownership or the property and some maintenance money in trust so that all three of you can use the property but are also shielded from some of the liability potentially created by the less responsible brother.  But, of course, this would need to be done as part of your Dad's estate planning while he is still competent enough to make decisions.

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OP here— thank you, this is good advice. I was not sure what kind of attorney to consult.

My dad is adamant that he is leaving the property to all three of us. I don’t know why— just weird family dynamics.

So for me the choice seems to be left out of it or to “accept” the inheritance but have some kind of legal protections set up. We can’t rent it— it’s in a private community that doesn’t allow rentals.

As for why my husband doesn’t want it— he has probably spent a total of 12 hours at this cabin in the 25 years we’ve been married. He hates going there, hates spending time with my family. He’s met my dysfunctional sibling twice. He is not a supportive husband when it comes to my family. He has not made an effort to get to know any of them. I once found out that my grandmother had nicknamed my husband “the ghost” because no one ever saw him. He left my sister’s wedding reception early because there was an important football game he wanted to attend. So I am having trouble separating my resentment over his non-effort with my family from the very rational and sensible arguments and reasons why owning this place might not be in my best interest. It feels like one more thing he doesn’t want to be involved in. But he makes sure we have plenty of money set aside for all the things he cares about. [/quote]

You've definitely got a husband issue.

Bu that's really separate from the potential inheritance issue.  I urge you to think about that dispassionately, because it's setting you up for a bad situation.  And your father is not doing you any favors.  It sems pretty apparent to me that he is leaving it to all three of you to force you and your other sibling to cover the costs for Bouncer Brother.  That's crappy.  Does he know that he may imperil the family ownership if he does that?  [/quote]

I have a very different take on the decision the father is making about leaving the cabin to all three siblings - I see it as him not wanting to play favorites. It can be very hurtful for a parent to leave kids out of the will - especially in such a sentimental family connected real estate.

I am the executor on my parents estate - one of my siblings has cut my parents off. I think my brother is wrong to have cut my parents off, but I recognize that I can’t control that. I know that one of my parents is the type to feel - well if he cut us off, we should leave him out of the will.  I have agreed to act as executor, but I have begged my parents to treat us all equally in the will regardless of how they feel about my brother. I do nit want to have to live in family conflict created by unequal treatment in a will. 
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