Reply to Managing parents expectations about alone time with granddaughter

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[quote=Anonymous]You can't ensure they aren't offended since you can't control others perceptions, but you can control your messaging.  If you don't want to throw wife under the bus, then don't!  Present decisions as your own/joint.  Ask them to be patient with you as new parents as you work through the adjustment.

The other thing you have to do is own the consequences.  If you are secure in your decisions, then no big deal.  If you are leaving your child with your in-laws but not your own parents then you need to be able to explain to yourself why that's okay or "fair" without guilt (as in one family discards safety or is incapacitated)  If you can't, then perhaps it's not the correct decision (as in you are playing favorites)

I have a sibling who is a neurotic parent.  Extended family has many opinions on all the things we perceive they are doing wrong based on our own experiences.  Humans are judged - fact.  But they're content and don't want to entertain suggestions so I keep my thoughts to myself and don't guilt them when their choices affect the family as a whole (ie missed opportunities.)  I can still think they're wrong but I will respect their commitment.  That said, I will probably adopt their attitude of MYOB and not make myself available for help later if their decisions come back to bite them in the a$$.  [/quote]

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