Reply to Resent husband and his sibling over care of Mother in Law

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]With Covid isolation, my husband moved his 90 year old mother up to live with us. She was living alone 2 states  away and home health coming by 
But she was so lonely so he moved her up. Definitely didn’t work in our house. Now she’s in apartment. That not working either.
  We thought would originally be great- our kids could spend time her around- she was lively and good health... WE THOUGHT! 
 Now we see she has severe dementia, is barely mobile- and has turned into special needs child situation.
  My husband and I both have extremely demanding jobs- three kids- we are already drowning.  And our youngest is having behavior issues in school.

So I’m starting to really resent how he spends much time over at her apartment taking care of her. I understand it- and I feel guilty feeling that way- but our our own family is running on fumes. 
  
 His brother and wife live 12 hours away and are retired....and I really really 
Really feel mad they aren’t coming out to help us. They should be carrying the burden too. 
  He leaves my 16 year old home to babysit our 5 year old when he goes over there ( if I’m out of town) or working.

So I have the right to tell him to have his sibling come out quarterly and give us a break?? Or how do i get past feeling so angry and overwhelmed. [/quote]

OP, I went through this and the first thing I'm going to say is NO GUILT. Your husband is in a tight spot and assisted living will provide relief, but I guarantee you he'll be there all the time too. How do I know? My husband was, and always has, put his own nuclear family first, before me, before the kids, etc. I hope yours is different but he's not listening to you now. What is he saying to you that's causing the guilt? And good therapist would tell him that this isn't the order of things. He has aides for her, and if you need more help for the next three weeks, he either hires her a third aide OR hires you temporary help (much harder).[/quote]

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