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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So I am single and childless but I have worked for over a decade with young children.  My brother and his GF had a surprise pregnancy and got married and had my nephew, now a toddler.  I genuinely adore my SIL.  She is so smart, kind and is a wonderful wife and mother.  That said, I often feel like she doesn’t much care for me.  Even though my brother is constantly asking me for parenting advice, when I offer even a small tip or idea to SIL she always either tells me why I am wrong or more often tells me that she already knows.

Example: They were going on a trip so I ordered some mini figurines of characters from nephews’ favorite show.  I mentioned to her that a fun activity is to wrap little toys like these in several layers of aluminum foil so it takes him a long time to unwrap and he can rewrap and playing with the wrapper becomes it’s own activity.  She said. “Yeah, we do that all the time.”  I said “Oh I should have known you would know all the best toddler activities.”  [b]She said “That’s like the first thing that comes up when you google sensory activities.”[/b]

The other stress point is that I am a gift person.  I love to shop for presents for others and spend a lot of time and energy trying to find nice things.  Not only has SIL been kind of blasé about gifts in the past (e.g., I spent a lot of time choosing charms for a sterling silver charm bracelet symbolizing different milestones in her first year as a mom and she never even mentioned it until I asked if she had opened it yet).  She recently sent a long email to all family members saying basically that they are not interested in getting random presents for my nephew and included a link to an online wish list of approved gift ideas.  I get why they might not want a bunch of miscellaneous toys and presents for him, but a) everything on the list is very expensive (like they asked for organic cotton training pants that were $20 a pair) and b) I just can’t help feeling that it was basically a way of saying “your presents aren’t good enough.”

So: tell me how much of this is that I am being oversensitive of crazy and how much is real. And tell me what to do about it.  Is there any point in discussing things with her?  Do I just bite my lip?[/quote]

OP I have been you - the doting aunt who worked in childcare so had experience with day to day care and playing games and planning activities BUT lacked any actual understanding as to what it was to be a parent. I remember thinking that I knew  but then I became a mom and realized I didn't know  :oops:

You don't have any children. You want children. You are using your nephew as a substitute and showering him with the gifts and activities that you would want your child to have.  And your SIL sees this too.  You need to take a step back and realize that this nephew isn't going to fill a void in your life and start working on finding what will.

And you assumed your SIL would not prepare for a car trip. You assumed she didn't know how to use google, or talk to other moms, or has read advice columns or looked on tik tok or instagram.  She has done all the things whether she tells you or not.

And bath bombs? for a toddler? Heck no! No one wants those.  That's one of those gifts I would have bought in my doting aunt stage of life! They look cool! Kids seems to love them! But as a parent I think what a mess, gross, my kid will be entertained for a second, then there will be another bath to get off any dye and then hopefully it doesn't dye the tub and I don't have to scrub that and so on. See how it isn't so cool anymore?

Charm bracelets are nice if that's ones style. But if you never saw your SIL wear anything like that, well it's probably not her style. But if you thought it was cool and you liked it, why not get yourself a charm bracelet and fill it up?

Not every single occasion is a need for a gift. Sure if it's a holiday, of course get a gift but if they just invite you over make the gift doing something like playing games with your nephew 
[/quote]

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