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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I’m the never married family law attorney poster who wrote the long supportive post.

Two things I want to offer, and without judgment - just to help you keep perspective.

1) Think about the pain you are experiencing over this betrayal of the marriage vows, and how it has upended your whole world to know he’s been having a long term affair and probably others along the way. Think about the husband and children of your DH’s affair partner, oblivious to the train wreck about to drop into his life. Consider sending this poor man an anonymous note alerting him to the infidelity his wife is engaging in. I know you run the risk of being found out as the tattler, but it could have come from someone else - surely they have other coworkers, and many people find infidelity disgusting and sympathize with the cuckolded spouses. But even if it does get back to you, what harm is there in that? A court won’t punish you for that one act. It’s not going all Betty Broderick to send one communication alerting a man to his wife’s infidelity. Maybe he’ll choose to ignore it - if he does, go no further. But I would feel very guilty letting another person suffer the dishonesty and gaslighting even one minute further if I had the ability to give them the chance to see reality.

2) I understand your son’s love is a comfort to you at all times and especially now, but please - even though you’re feeling very vulnerable now - make the effort to seek other avenues for support over your sadness and upset re:the marriage breakdown. Teenaged kids aren’t supposed to be their parents emotional crutches, and the effects when they are put in that position can be very damaging. I’m sure you have no intention to hurt your son, and you may not realize the damage this can cause - but it’s such a studied phenomena that it has a label in family counseling (emotional incest) and is a whole area of study and therapy. I was myself a victim of this growing up - my mother was very unhappy in her marriage to my father, and she shared in great detail with me information from inside their relationship that I didn’t need to hear as a preteen and teenager. It really damaged my ability to forge intimate relationships in later life and it messed up my relationship with my father and mother both. I already saw and heard enough - as your son likely has - by witnessing the outward dynamics between them and hearing my father express emotional cruelty to my mother far too often. I didn’t need to be the one she turned to for unloading her pain and venting her frustrations. That’s what you should be sharing with adult friends, adult family and an adult therapist.

Please read this and do an honest self assessment of the dynamic you’re creating with your teen son. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.goodtherapy.org/blog/emotional-covert-incest-when-parents-make-their-kids-partners-0914165/amp/[/quote]

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