Reply to Does SAHM make a difference during infant years?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it really depends on the mother. I loved staying home with my DD between 0 and 3 and think we both got a lot out of it. I feel really in tune with who she is as a person and what she needs, both now and moving forward, that will help me make parenting decisions moving forward.

We also have a really great relationship and I feel confident that we've laid the groundwork for a solid parent-child relationship moving forward. She trusts me, she talks to me about what is troubling her and we've developed a good vocabulary for discussing stuff. I definitely think you could do that while working but for me, it was helpful to be together more to get to that place.

But ultimately, I stayed home because I wanted to. I was an older mom and I knew this would be my only child. I worked for 20 years before becoming a mom. I was ready for a break and wanted to soak up the baby and toddler years while I could because I'm not going to get to do it again. I think if I'd had a baby at 32, or if I'd been planning to have 2 or 3, I might have made a different choice. I don't think it benefits a baby to be home with a mother who wishes she was at work or is bored or feels isolated. And I think those feelings are valid and don't mean you are a bad mom, at all! It's not how I felt but I could see how someone might.

The point is, make the choice that makes sense for you and that's what's best for your baby. I know that sounds selfish, but the truth is that your baby needs a happy, well-adjusted mom. If that means going back to work and finding a great nanny or a great daycare, do it! If it means quitting and staying home, and that works for your finances and your career, do that. I don't think either choice is best for everyone, because everyone has a different family set up, different personality, different work situation, etc. Heck, some people don't have access to high quality childcare and that influences their choice -- if you can't find a daycare you like and you can't afford a nanny, then staying home might feel like the best option. But it's so, so person dependent.[/quote]

The benefits you cite are because you have an only child. I have one too and a commonality with all of parents of onlies I know is a precociousness with being about to talk about emotions, knowing your kid’s thought processes well, and having a super close relationship. It’s a thing with only kids, even those that spend 45 hours a week in daycare. Just FYI because I thought it was funny how you were describing only child-parent relationship traits, then went on to say you had an only.[/quote]

Actually, it's not limited to onlies or kids w SAHMs.  I have two kids and always worked full time.  I am so close with both of my kids, feel we really connect.  They both confide in me.  They are 10 and 13.   Both well-adjusted, loving kids who do well in school.

The fact that they both were in daycare as little kids did nothing to impair my relationship with them...or their father.

Somehow no one talks about dad.[/quote]

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