Reply to Advice on how to get over not having another child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We go back and forth about wanting a third. Mine are 3 and 6. I'm 39. My husband does not want a third, but I think that if I told him that it was important to me, he would discuss it. Two months ago we had a pregnancy scare-- I was late-- and I FREAKED out. I thought about how our life would become so difficult, again, how my relationship with my husband would struggle under the additional stress, how I had no desire to pump or breastfeed again, and a million other things.

I wasn't pregnant, but I was shocked by how reassuring that experience was. I realize not everyone would feel this way, but it was a useful "tool" for me.[/quote]

Ha, this happened to us, too. We weren't sure about a third, but were both relieved when a pregnancy scare turned out to be just a scare. Now our kids are middle and late elementary and we feel like we're in a great place to support their individual abilities and challenges and we are really enjoying the flexibility of older kids. My sister is trying for her fourth baby now, and that sounds awful to me. (The parenting, that is! I love having nieces and nephews to snuggle!)

I know it's somewhat counterintuitive, but I also think that having kids is ultimately a pretty selfish thing--the world doesn't need more people and could benefit from a lot fewer. Cranking out multiple versions of your genes certainly feels good and satisfies your biological urges, but it's the ultimate vanity project. Just because raising children is sometimes difficult doesn't make it selfless. YMMV.[/quote]

Same situation for us, except it turned out I was pregnant. The degree to which I freaked out with dread and anxiety was surprising. I ended up miscarrying and feeling pretty relieved.  I was leaning towards termination at that point. This was a few months ago and I find myself at times wondering if we should try for a third. I have to assume that's hormones and just general emotional processing. I have to trust my gut reaction of being totally freaked out during those 2 weeks that I knew I was pregnant with a third. Fwiw we never thought 3 was in the cards for us so never discussed or seriously beforehand, but both dh and I thought it would be lovely in theory. [/quote]

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