Reply to Friend who shunned me when I divorced has gotten in touch

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I have been through something similar and my advice is no response.

The problem with responding, even to say "you hurt me and I can't help you right now" is that the other person won't see it that way. I totally agree with you and I think your ex-friend is being obtuse and selfish. But I'm sure she's convinced herself that you guys just "grew apart" or that she was somehow justified in what she did. So if you engage by explaining why you don't want to be her "divorce doula" (ha, that really is a great phrase), she will almost certainly get defensive and either lash out at you or try to engage you in a back and forth to convince you either that what she did wasn't so bad, or that she didn't realize she'd done something wrong, or that she's changed.

Whatever she's going through with her divorce is going to influence this, too. She's gonna have all these feelings over her divorce and they will overshadow her memory of what happened with you and her ability to think about your friendship critically. She's going to respond from a place of big feelings, many of which might be misplaced.

If I were in your position, I'd write a draft text or email of why you don't want to help her, and then not send it. Delete her text and move on with your awesome life. If you feel yourself unsure about this decision, you can go reread that draft of a response to remind you of why you decided not to engage.[/quote]

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