Reply to SIL who never shows a crack in the armor

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi, does anyone have advice for getting over the envy of a SIL who is always upbeat, happy, and projects constant perfection? Everything is awe and wonder, from the cookies she baked with her kids to a sunset to her brand-new puppy to her new deck and on and on. Sometimes it's all a bit much because she shares this stuff in texts constantly. It is ALL RAINBOWS all the time.

I am going through some issues with my parents right now and just beginning to feel annoyed by her constant Pollyanna-ness. I also want to do some internal work on my envy. Anyone been there and have ideas?[/quote]

Didn't read the thread, but want to respond.

Your SIL is LYING. It is NOT all sunshine and rainbows, most likely the opposite!!

I know TWO moms who were like this. Constant perfection: the house, the kids, the car, the clothes, the vacations, the academics, the sports, the special dog ordered from a breeder in another state, the perfect parties, perfect life, absolutely enviable perfection in every single thing....

The TRUTH, discovered after divorces in both families, they were both deeply troubled families!!

One parent (the sunniest, shiniest, beautiful, smart, well-educated, absolutely perfect in every way) was a serious alcoholic who ended up in rehab after an intervention by her perfect family, and she lost custody of her children!! She's now living alone and pretty depressed, going to AA meetings, trying to rebuild relationships with her kids. Her husband remarried a woman half his age, of course!!

Another family: The dad turned out to be closeted gay, and the mother, super perfect and super sunny, collapsed when he revealed this to her. She fell apart, lost the perfect house, everything. She went into a serious depression. I ran into her at the supermarket, and she had greasy hair, huge dark circles under her eyes, no makeup, ratty clothes, clearly a mess. She spilled the entire story to me, and seemed incredibly broken.

In both cases, I was SHOCKED. I envied these two families!! They were rich and successful and had super wonderful, enviable, absolutely fabulous-seeming lives. I could not believe their lives were in fact, much more troubled than mine. In fact, I'm always struggling to hold things together, yet felt pretty together by comparison to both these families.

No family is without problems. None. Many hide them better than others, though. Don't despair, OP. You don't need to envy your SIL. Ignore her sunniness. It's a fake facade. Count on it.

[/quote]

These stories are so common. Every time someone comes on DCUM burned out from the person who posts on social media obsessively about every good detail of their life, as opposed to the occasional we have the same responses. Some offended person says you need therapy for being annoyed, another offended person tells you that you are a terrible person and the rest of us say, we've seen it a thousand times and those people always have some perfect aspect implode. Even between DCUM I have seen instagram perfect marriages implode. The same mom bragging or as some would say simply "sharing" about her loving relationship with Larla, is now livid Larla is on Tiktok claiming mom is a verbally abusive alcoholic. I have countless stories to the point that now whenever anyone obsessively overshares I just assume something is horribly wrong and inevitably within a year i find out what the issue was.

OP the only thing you need to work on is boundaries. Check her messages less and just assume at some point you will find out what was so wrong in her life that she was this obsessed with sharing tidbits. In moderation I would be suspicious, but daily tells you something is glaringly wrong.

Oh and if you are going to post here telling me I am an evil troll and whatever else, save yourself the carpal tunnel and mark my words, your favorite over-sharer is struggling and one day you may or may not find out the deep dark secret she was trying to convince herself wasn't there. [/quote]

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