Reply to How do I tell DW that her weight is a problem?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Another perspective, maybe replace concern about weight gain with concern about your DW’s wellness?

Personally I would be pretty sad to learn my value in the marriage is based much in my weight. I think I would get defensive and really upset if my spouse brought this up. If my spouse approached me with genuine concern for my wellness that would be different.

If this resonates with you then start a convo with her where you lead with questions. Forget about trying to make the point to tell her about her weight gain and what you don’t like about it. Instead, ask her how she has been doing and what’s going on with genuine curiosity and with no hidden agenda but to just give her a space to express herself and for you to better understand her.

If she brings up her weight then learning what she thinks about her weight and how she is feeling is much more important to your marriage and emotional intimacy than anything else.

Also, if you find the weight thing is more important than the wellness thing then I would advise taking a look at that value and ask yourself what it really serves. [/quote]

I agree with this. I'm an overweight wife and when I gained a lot of weight, my DH approached it by telling me he loves me, but is concerned because he can see that I am using food to cope with problems and it's unhealthy and he's concerned. Honestly, I got defensive and hurt and yelled at him about my weight, but after I calmed down it really was a wake-up call for me. I eventually told him that I appreciated him talking to me since it snapped me back into realization.

So far I lost about half of what I gained and it's a slow process - the other thing my DH does is encourage me and tells me he's proud that i'm taking care of myself (doesn't mention weight, just that I'm doing self-care). So even through the process he's been helpful.[/quote]

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