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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ron Perlman left his wife his wife of 38 years for a woman near his children's age. I'm wondering how common this is (probably not this large an age gap)? In examples, what was the aftermath like for the man, woman, and children? [/quote]

I think this is fairly common these days.  Marriage is difficult over the long haul. Some say a marriage license is like a drivers license and should be renewed every 10 years. People fall out of love and would be happier with someone else. Life isn’t a dress rehearsal, and staying married to someone you don’t love seems stupid to me.

The new woman is the force to end a marriage that is already dying. For men in bad marriages, the new younger woman is the motivation to finally end a relationship they don’t really want to be in anymore.

I am the younger OW. My DH left his exW for me. As he explained it to me when we met, their marriage was terrible, had been bad for years, and he couldn’t ignore that anymore after developing feelings for me. DH didn’t have kids, so the divorce was fairly easy. It was emotionally difficult for his exW. She went to therapy and he was very fair and generous in their divorce. DH felt guilty for hurting her and would likely still help her out as a friend today. He didn’t love her and hadn’t loved her for many years. DH knew he didn’t want to spend the rest of his life with her.

We don’t care if people know how we met. DH tells people openly.  I know a little about his exW, but haven’t stalked her. I don’t know her, and the only feelings I have toward her are some guilt for my part in her pain.  ExW couldn’t really do anything to mess up our lives, as we have nothing to hide.  I believe she’s moved on with her life and doesn’t care about how we are living. [/quote]

'My marriage has basically been over for years' is what men tell their APs. It's the classic line. That doesn't mean it's never true, but the fact that he says it doesn't mean anything. Cheaters rewrite the history of their marriages in order to justify the affair. You can't know whether anything he said about that was true, and it's very naive to think otherwise.

As for the idea that you shouldn't stay married if you're unhappy - look, if that's your deal that's your deal, but I doubt that what he told his wife when they got married. If marriages had to be renewed every ten years, I wouldn't have risked my body and my career having kids on someone my age whose romantic prospects were going to grow as mine were going to shrink, as is the case with men and women, I would have picked some old rich dude. Which I understand is what you did, so I guess kudos on that for implicitly understanding the game theory here. [/quote]

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