Reply to Staying together for kids, do you plan for future?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm staying together for the kids, but also for me.

The reality is, I want to see the kids every day, I want to see them every holiday, put them to bed at night and cuddle with them in the morning. Missing those moments is not something I'd choose to do. I don't want a "stepmother" I don't know raising my kids for part of the time (a total possibility if you divorce). I also like what a combined income affords us and consider that to be part of making my life content and comfortable.

Our kids see us all enjoying times together. We still laugh at each others jokes when they're funny, and enjoy a hug, cuddle or more when the mood strikes. We're friends and as long as there is peace, it is enough.

I don't know what will happen when the kids leave, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

Now, if we were mortal enemies shouting at each other every day that would be a different story, and of course not good for the kids to see. But the idea that that a marriage has to be all or nothing just isn't true. [/quote]

Exactly! Very well said. And by the way, for all the people asking, the reason I don’t tell him now is that it *would* cause fighting and emotional turmoil which would upset the kids. Better to keep quiet about it for the next few years and spare them the whole ordeal. They don’t need our drama in their lives.

The one thing is, we don’t sleep together, which I’ve explained to them is because he snores (which they know is true). I’m not willing to sacrifice my sleep to preserve the pretense 100%.

But we’re able to be friendly and at ease in each other’s presence. We still say “I love you” in front of them when saying good bye and goodnight. I don’t think they’d be able to tell.[/quote]

Give me a break:  you could get into counseling to discuss this and work on the marriage.  From everything you wrote, both HE AND THE KIDS are going to be blindsided.  They are going to question what was real --this happened to my roommate in college and it was more traumatic because there was such an act that her and her siblings couldn't get over what part of their childhood, parents' marriages were actually real, if any of it.  It haunted them for a very long, long time after.  Some estrangement too.[/quote]

And say what? That I want to relive my youth? There’s nothing to “work on.” The relationship has run its course, this is natural. [/quote]

You are having a midlife crisis and are at the bottom of the U in the happiness curve, but too juvenile and selfish to realize that.  So instead you will destroy what could have been great down the road.  Enjoy the divorced men out there.  The vast majority are seasoned cheaters.  [/quote]

Or maybe the relationship has run its course?That happens. A lot more often then people want to admit.[/quote]

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