Reply to Ever regret having the third child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My 3 kids are 2.5 and then 2 years apart. Oldest was in preschool when the youngest arrived. I don't have a terribly clear memory of the first two years of the youngest's life - there wasn't a whole lot of sleeping going on (my kids didn't sleep well and I love sleep, which is why we don't have a fourth).

I think that survey that showed that parents of exactly 3 kids were the most stressed (even more than families with 4+) was right on. At 3 kids you can still try to keep up with the Joneses in terms of how many activities you do. Instead of managing a herd of children who behave like a team or a group, it's 3 individuals. [b]You go from 1 inter-sibling relationship to 3 inter-sibling relationships.[/b] Also people seem to have this idea that a third child will be laid back and go with the flow. Maybe occasionally, but most 3rds I know are attention seekers and rather bossy, kind of like mini versions of 1st kids. So if you're having a 3rd thinking he/she will tag along with the rest of the family, don't.

That said, while I have occasionally thought that life might be a bit easier without our very intense third child, I don't regret her. During the pandemic, especially, it's been lovely to have 3 kids close in age who can hang out with each other.[/quote]

Yes to the bolded! People need to understand that having a third child is NOT like having a second child. When you have a second child, you have to acclimate your first to the idea of being a sibling. It's a huge change, but it's manageable because the new baby is... a baby. The baby doesn't have to acclimate to being a sibling. You can just focus on the older child and really watch that relationship develop. There will be hiccups, but you'll see them right away and can troubleshoot as you go.

Having a third is sooo different. Both of the older kids have to acclimate, but to different stuff. The older child has to deal with, yet again, diminished attention from their parents. But the younger kid has to get used to the idea of not being the youngest, a totally different issue. They both have to develop separate relationships with the new baby, and you also have to watch their relationship to one another (plus manage your individual relationships with all three kids). It's so complicated.  I think sometimes people get a false sense of security when the third baby is just born, because they are focused on the new baby and it doesn't feel that different the third time around. But there is a whole mountain of stuff going on with your kids during this transition, and by the time you tune into it, it might be overwhelming.[/quote]

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