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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You can tell the kids matter-of-factly what happened. Don’t get emotional with the kids about it, but don’t hide the facts.
Taking the high road doesn’t mean deceiving them about the facts.

“Mom decided she wanted to have a relationship with another man instead of me. That made me feel violated. We both decided it was better to get divorced because we don’t love each other as husband and wife anymore, even though we love you and want to do a good job parenting you.”

That’s it. Don’t go into more detail than that.  But don’t lie by hiding the truth.[/quote]

I disagree with this. Your kids don’t need to know she had an affair. You’re putting them in the middle. That opens the door for the wife to say “I had an affair because your father neglected me emotionally” or other BS. Your kids will figure it out but you don’t need to be the one to tell them. Just continue to be a good dad. That’s all they care about. [/quote]

Telling the kids about an affair is freaking evil and way worse than the original transgression of cheating. All it does is harm the kids and make the spouse who was offended temporarily feel better about themselves. Divorce is bad enough. There is no sense in hurting the kids further by getting them involved in adult business. Marriage is over—that’s it. (And no, I am not a cheater.... but many years ago I told my ex-husband if he did ever cheat I would never ever tell the kids. People who do that are really messed up in the head and are not thinking about the emotional health of their children.)[/quote]

Haaaa...who says “honey, one day when you cheat on me.  Don’t worry I won’t tell Jimmy and Barb.”  You are so full of sh@t with this story.

I prefer “Honey- if you cheat, I’ll cut your balls off.”[/quote]

I did actually say that. I am divorced now. There was no cheating. I do not believe kids need to be burdened with adult relationships on matter what happens. [/quote]

I used to believe this.  When my DH cheated repeatedly, I divorced him but I didn’t say anything to the kids.  Twenty years later, I have to say that was a mistake. Kids never really understood what happened, and as a result assumed a lot of things that weren’t true thus causing more damage.

telling the truth simply and honestly is always the best policy. [/quote]

This happened to a my husband’s best friend.  His parents divorced and the mom always trashed the dad to the 4 kids and dad never said a bad word about mom.  Not once.  And he was decent in the divorce.  My husband’s friend was 45 before he found out (and his dad later confirmed) what really happened:  mom cheated, repeatedly.  He never once said a bad word about her to the kids, but she brain washed his sisters.  One of the sisters saw through it.  Mom was married a few times.  Cheaters are often trash all the way around.[/quote]

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